FML Today

taob says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 23:08:49 +0000

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

Jacquelinez says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 23:08:45 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I’m dangerously close to becoming single. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 23:08:38 +0000

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner’s son took me into his office and told me I’m not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I’m “possessed by a demon”. FML

ThisWay says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 18:32:57 +0000

Today, my husband proudly walked into our bedroom naked after having shaved an arrow pointing to his penis in his pubes. He then got really offended when I couldn’t stop laughing. FML

jcdc says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 18:32:50 +0000

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say “it smells like hot dogs”. FML

says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 16:13:01 +0000

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

shygirl says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 16:12:56 +0000

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with “Congrats Beth and Steve!” Her husband’s name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

Ouch says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 11:28:47 +0000

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

slayerdeath says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 11:28:44 +0000

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

sick and awkward says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 11:28:40 +0000

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with “lotion and tissues,” not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how “masturbation is okay.” FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 06:50:59 +0000

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

Schubey says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 06:50:55 +0000

Today, it was my birthday, and I woke up to my dad telling me that we’re going to Disneyland. Apparently, by “we” he meant him and my mom. They did, however, make a point to say “happy birthday” before they left. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 02:19:16 +0000

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom’s lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn’t have a lazy eye, he’s never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he’s been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 00:03:08 +0000

Today, my wife and I were folding laundry, when I came across a lacy thong. I winked at her and said, “I’ve never seen you in these.” She responded, “They’re your daughter’s.” FML

cheesfactor says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 00:03:01 +0000

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn’t change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I’d been stood up. FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 00:02:54 +0000

GothicAngel17 says FML

admin — Sat, 19 May 2012 19:30:30 +0000

Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML

maggierose171 says FML

admin — Sat, 19 May 2012 19:30:23 +0000

Today, my daughter’s bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

themcdave says FML

admin — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:00:54 +0000

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast… I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

themcdave says FML

admin — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:00:53 +0000

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast… I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML