FML Today

Andre says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:44:15 +0000

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

sb23 says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:44:10 +0000

Today, I arranged rose petals on our bed saying “I love you.” When my boyfriend got home from work, even though candles were burning enough to see clearly, he asks “what the hell IS this mess?!” and made me clear it up. Needless to say, I didn’t get any. It’s been months. FML

kayjay says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:44:00 +0000

Today, I saw a lady holding the cutest, chubbiest baby so I tried to sneak a picture. At the very moment I took the picture, she caught me and asked me what I was doing. I said I wanted her baby. She didn’t take that too well. FML

tonirene says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:06:04 +0000

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend’s spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

sun_devil33 says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:05:47 +0000

Today, I was at a museum on a tour, when a lady with a huge purse knocked over a display. I tried to catch it, but it was heavy and I couldn’t get hold of it. The tour guide blamed me in front of the whole group, and the lady didn’t speak up. I’m not allowed there anymore. FML

GGimabeast says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:40:16 +0000

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

sadmomsrsad says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:40:11 +0000

Today, I had to teach my mother what a period actually is. When I told her that it was the routine shedding of the uterine walls and not the liquid from “two cups inside of you that slowly fill up and then drain 28 days later”, she became teary-eyed and now she won’t talk to me. FML

I’m so stupid. says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:40:07 +0000

Today, I decided I didn’t need to use a cup when I play baseball, because I never get hit there. My coach tried to warn me, but I assured him it was fine. When I was pitcher, the batter swung, and the ball hit me right in the happy sacks. I am now bruised where no man ever should be. FML

souperman says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:39:56 +0000

Today, I found my car spray-painted with the words “Fuck you Kevin” on the hood. My name is Andrew. FML

123456789 says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:47:17 +0000

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML

zach says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:46:58 +0000

Today, after making out with my girlfriend for the first time, I took down my pants only to have her say,’ Eww, what’re those drooping sacks? They look like tumours.’ She was serious. FML

tryon777 says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:46:51 +0000

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

dimtsis says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:46:45 +0000

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn’t want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

runandmope says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:46:35 +0000

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was “ok.” He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was – for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

RWW says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 23:43:13 +0000

Today, at work, I was talking to a customer. She kept shaking her head “no” at everything I said. I asked what she was disagreeing with. She told me she has Parkinson’s Disease, teared up, and asked to speak to my manager. FML

34_22_34 says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 23:43:03 +0000

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

MAV223 says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 23:42:54 +0000

Today, I had one of those “Honk if you like _____” bumper stickers. I was texting on my cell phone when I heard some honking. I was thinking how fun the bumper sticker was, when I realized I was going the wrong way on a one way street. FML

soccerscout7 says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:57:32 +0000

Today, my parents went out. I stayed home and vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed to surprise them. They came home and yelled at me because it “isn’t my job.” FML

skizpow7 says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:57:28 +0000

Today, my live-in girlfriend and I broke up. She told me she can’t leave because she has nowhere to go. I’m stuck with her until she finds a job and an apartment. FML

bleachinmyeyes says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:57:22 +0000

Today, I was taking a shower when I got soap in my eyes. I grabbed a washcloth by the sink and rubbed it in my eye. It had been soaking in bleach. FML