FML Today

projectfain says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 19:45:51 +0000

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother’s passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? “OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon.” FML

maarkblack says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 19:45:44 +0000

Today, I awoke from a dream that I’d found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 15:14:12 +0000

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

stillhave2years says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 15:14:08 +0000

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her “inner nudist” and isn’t planning on stopping any time soon. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:43:05 +0000

Today, due to my allergies I can’t stop sneezing. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I’m getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

SadPuppy says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:43:03 +0000

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, “Don’t worry, he went to Hell anyway.” FML

LightsOut says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 08:28:19 +0000

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn’t want me to be “mad”. FML

knowtoomuch says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 08:28:11 +0000

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom’s sex life. FML

pianoplayer says FML

admin — Wed, 22 May 2013 08:27:50 +0000

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The “suspicious person” was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

backseatbusted says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 23:26:10 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

psuedodragon says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 23:26:07 +0000

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

mammasboy says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 23:26:03 +0000

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn’t be unreasonable, except for the fact that I’m 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

Time for a haircut says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 23:25:59 +0000

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I’d help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, “Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy.” I am a boy. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 18:54:53 +0000

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

crappingrapping says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 18:54:46 +0000

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 16:38:59 +0000

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, “9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt.” Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

moikristine says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 16:38:56 +0000

Today, I got an email saying the gift I’d ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:23:16 +0000

Today, at work, my boss made go outside and wash people’s cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:23:07 +0000

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, “9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt.” Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

hotelbound says FML

admin — Tue, 21 May 2013 12:07:43 +0000

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? “I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God’s way of punishing you.” I’ve been married to said man for almost a year now. FML