Today, my boyfriend told me that even though I’m attractive now, he’s glad he met me years ago when I was overweight and had poor self confidence, because it insured I wouldn’t have said no. FML

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Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

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Today, I discovered a tick on my butt while I was in the shower. I had to have my dad remove it. FML

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Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, “So, would you catch me if I fell?” He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, “How much do you weigh again?” FML

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Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking instructor didn’t have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said “I do if you are trying to set me up with her.” FML

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Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

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Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, “Daaaamn…” As I passed them, one of them said, “She looked hotter from a distance.” FML

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Today, I found mold growing in my 17 year old step-daughter’s bathroom. Upon gently asking her to clean it, she started crying and told my wife that I yelled at her and called her a slut. My wife took her shopping to cheer her up. I’m in the doghouse, and stuck cleaning her bathroom. FML

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Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

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Today, I woke up in bed after staying the night at my boyfriend’s for the first time. We’d had amazing sex that night, so I woke him up by telling him how much I had enjoyed it. He replied with, “Oh my God you snore like a man, let me get some fucking sleep.” FML

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