FML Today » all-over

Alec says FML

admin — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 15:39:55 +0000

Today, I had a sore throat, and I’d read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

mperh says FML

admin — Sat, 28 May 2011 18:08:20 +0000

Today, it’s memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint “cop killa” on the side of my car. It won’t come off. FML

whytoday says FML

admin — Sat, 14 May 2011 10:44:04 +0000

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

stickyhair says FML

admin — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 11:09:02 +0000

Today, I was cutting a little boy’s hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

inalotofpain says FML

admin — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 17:50:36 +0000

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to “put me out.” FML

pugglez says FML

admin — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 11:37:15 +0000

Today, I discovered I have a new allergy. It was so bad that I had to be rushed to the hospital because I couldn’t breathe and had hives all over my body. What caused this horrible allergic reaction? Asparagus. This is what I get for being vegan. FML

Antario says FML

admin — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 18:48:18 +0000

Today, I noticed that for the past 20 minutes my dog has been eating all the cat shit that has been hidden in the backyard, and has now barfed it back out all over the living room floor. FML

deadgecko says FML

admin — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 00:06:17 +0000

Today, as I got out of the shower, I stepped on a huge gecko with my bare feet, killing it. After I finished freaking out about it, I saw some weird stuff coming out of it. Now I have gecko guts smeared all over my rug and the soles of my feet. FML

twinkie2 says FML

admin — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:49:24 +0000

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

ewicsmelly says FML

admin — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 08:42:37 +0000

Today, I kept finding ants crawl all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

fufu_mutt says FML

admin — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 08:47:42 +0000

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

serendipity1027 says FML

admin — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 18:11:44 +0000

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the breaks, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I throw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

waterfeet says FML

admin — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 00:16:20 +0000

Today, I was wearing flip flops in class and had my feet under the desk of the pregnant girl sitting in front of me. Her water broke all over my exposed feet. FML

actualdiejob says FML

admin — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:25:24 +0000

Today, I found out that getting your hair dyed can result in an allergic reaction that leaves bleeding sores all over your scalp. FML

klutzy says FML

admin — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 19:31:15 +0000

Today, I fell down the stairs. The laptop I had been carrying flew halfway across the room. I now have carpet burns all over my body from tumbling down and a broken computer. I am leaving for college tomorrow and needed that computer. FML

unknown says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 11:16:13 +0000

Today, right after I was finished eating a chocolate bar, I went jogging. When I looked to my right, I saw a pack of cute guys looking and grinning at me. I thought they were checking me out, but it turns out I had a chocolate print all over my butt. FML

MLZ says FML

admin — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:31:51 +0000

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by “spilling” hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

rosesareyellow says FML

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:28:16 +0000

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn’t work. FML

Elliot says FML

admin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:49:08 +0000

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

rebsouth says FML

admin — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 14:17:57 +0000

Today, at work, I was consoling a crying child. How did he thank me? By throwing up all over my legs. FML