Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him “How is the weather up there?” He then turned around, spit on me, and replied “Raining.” FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had cheated on him. I assured him that I had not. Then I asked him the same. He replied by breaking up with me for lack of trust. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Doubting our relationship, I asked him seriously if he loved me. He looked thoughtful, gathered me in his arms and said, “If I say yes, will you be less pissed?” and then tried to stick his hand down my pants. FML
Today, my dad and I did some much needed yard work. We noticed there were a lot of hornets around, but he made nothing of it. I told him there was a nest just above the barbecue and asked him not to disturb it, because I’m really allergic. He wasn’t convinced I was. An hour in the ER proved him wrong. FML
Today, I went out to dinner with a guy who I’ve had a crush on for a year. It was really windy, so I asked him to put his arm around me. His response was “You have on a jacket, let it keep you warm.” FML
Today, I called my dad and asked him to email me a copy of my birth certificate, so I could forward it to my new employer. He named the file “ThatDreadfulDay”, and I didn’t notice until after I had forwarded it. FML
Today, someone hacked my boyfriend’s facebook account. They changed everything, including our relationship status. When I asked him about it, my boyfriend said, “well, I guess he had the right idea”. A hacker just broke up with me. FML
Today, I woke up next to a man that I had a one night stand with. He was very good looking and when he looked at me, he looked horrified. I asked him what was wrong and he brought up how he was drunk and I looked much hotter that way. He then asked me to leave. FML
Today, I tried to get my husband to go the doctor’s office with me so we could get check-ups, because we’ve unsuccessfully trying to have kids for a year. When I asked him to go, he said he knew he was fine because he already had another girl pregnant. FML