FML Today » asked-him

MissNoFuture says FML

admin — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 15:25:38 +0000

Today, my boyfriend told me he’s been having doubts, but he still wants to stay with me. I asked him why he had been so nervous about us and he replied, “I don’t know, just thinking about a future with you makes me feel nauseous”. We’ve been together over 2 years now. FML

K123 says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 10:38:55 +0000

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was “I don’t know. I was high.” FML

stickyhair says FML

admin — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 11:09:02 +0000

Today, I was cutting a little boy’s hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

mamaintrouble says FML

admin — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 12:57:10 +0000

Today, my 6 year old son told me that he can’t wait until he turns 18. When I asked him why, he responded “So that I can go in that room at Family Video that says 18 or OLDER ONLY.” FML

Nobarking says FML

admin — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 12:47:44 +0000

Today, my husband of 12 years told me he didn’t want to live here anymore. Thinking we would be moving soon I asked him, “well where to you want to live?” He replied “Not with you.” FML

Samyett says FML

admin — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 23:13:18 +0000

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

kayin says FML

admin — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 14:00:32 +0000

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. Some of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg. I asked him how he broke it. He replied “I was born like this.” FML

Jenner D says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 15:19:14 +0000

Today, an attractive man came into my work and picked out an expensive, nice, dressy suit. As he was paying, I asked him what the occasion was. He told me he had to go to court for statutory rape. He then winked at me. FML

Heyy says FML

admin — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 23:02:52 +0000

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said “I want to be better than your vibrator!” FML

ljohnson174 says FML

admin — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 16:10:28 +0000

Today, I found out that my husband’s job had a Thanksgiving gathering for employees and their family. When I asked him why he didn’t mention it, he told me that he did not like to be seen out in public with me. FML

Brooke Mcmflurry says FML

admin — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 07:52:43 +0000

Today, I had a great conversation over the phone with my boyfriend. I asked him, “So what are you doing?” He said, “Breaking up with you.” FML

nitrous says FML

admin — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 00:07:43 +0000

Today, I told my husband how bad I feel about myself, listing all my ugly features. I asked him for a compliment to cheer me up. he said “Well, your eyesight is pretty good.” FML

nekosora says FML

admin — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 17:59:34 +0000

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw a little boy crying in the bakery. I felt bad so I asked him where his parents were. After he told me he was lost, I started to take him to a Walmart employee, only to have most of the bakery staff stop me. Apparently, I was kidnapping a kid whose mom left the store without him. FML

The Tummy Bug says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 19:16:59 +0000

Today, I found my friend looking very pale in the bathroom. I asked him if he was alright, and he whispered something in response. When I leaned in to hear him, his vomit exploded into my face. FML

The Ex. says FML

admin — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 18:57:03 +0000

Today, I came home from a week long trip in Tennessee. I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a while, so I asked him to come and see me. He told me he would but couldn’t afford the gas. Reason he couldn’t afford the gas? He spent all of his money on lap dances and strippers the night before. FML

blah blah daddy says FML

admin — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 00:35:32 +0000

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, “Shut it, bitch!” FML

marrigeiswonderful says FML

admin — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 22:32:41 +0000

Today, my husband asked me to get some cigarettes for him. I decided that paper and tobacco would be a cheaper solution. Later, he went to the store, and I asked him to get me tampons. He came home with a ball of string and cotton balls. FML

amorousintx says FML

admin — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 08:03:19 +0000

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, “I’d do just about anything to get out of doing my homework.” FML

Laura says FML

admin — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 08:04:32 +0000

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied “I’m okay, but your dress is on fire.” It was. FML