FML Today » bathroom

morethanredhands says FML

admin — Mon, 21 May 2012 11:13:35 +0000

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn’t stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 16:13:01 +0000

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

rongo12 says FML

admin — Fri, 11 May 2012 23:08:40 +0000

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I saw a little boy, clear as day, walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn’t hear them arrive. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 10 May 2012 17:19:27 +0000

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

NoPrivacy says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 14:27:06 +0000

Today, my boss overheard me singing, “I need a shit, I need a shit” on my way to the bathroom. FML

yikes says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:34:55 +0000

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

breebree-0 says FML

admin — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 00:48:51 +0000

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn’t see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

WayTooMuchFacebook says FML

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 12:20:33 +0000

Today, I read some funny scribbelings on wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to “Like” it. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:18:57 +0000

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband’s farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it’s hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

mark says FML

admin — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 03:23:18 +0000

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, “Thank god. You really needed a shower.” FML

beccabooyah says FML

admin — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 09:55:19 +0000

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I’m checking my news feed, I notice a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to shut the door to the bathroom, because it’s me on the toilet. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:23:35 +0000

Today, I was washing my hands in my bathroom when I looked up to see a spider on my cheek. In a panic, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

Brian B says FML

admin — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 22:32:23 +0000

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

seaweedlady says FML

admin — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:17:51 +0000

Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML

armaty says FML

admin — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 08:38:36 +0000

Today, I was in the bathroom at the airport when I noticed I’d run out of toilet paper. I tried to reach under the next stall to grab some, when someone held my hand and said, “Two can play at this game” in a perverted voice. All I wanted was toilet paper. FML

mrsekko says FML

admin — Tue, 31 May 2011 17:15:43 +0000

Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she’d been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

dancer_2014 says FML

admin — Sat, 28 May 2011 18:08:27 +0000

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

msjustine says FML

admin — Sat, 07 May 2011 00:10:04 +0000

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

liynda says FML

admin — Fri, 06 May 2011 08:01:25 +0000

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

greenintheface says FML

admin — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 18:44:08 +0000

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me until I heard, “Honey, what did you make me for dinner?” FML