Today, I brought my report card home to show my mother. I was excited because she’d promised to give the person with the highest grades $200, and I had a nearly flawless report card. My brother beat me by 9%. FML
Today, I was in a cafe when I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After the song, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then, I remembered that I was listening to my iPod. FML
Today, my 68-year-old grandfather beat me in a push-up test. He did 7. FML