Posts Tagged ‘best-friend’

Today, I finally decided to tell my best friend that I had a crush on him for five years. I was about to tell him when he told me, all excited, that he had asked out my other friend. I had to sit there for an hour smiling and telling him how happy I was for him. FML

Today, I came home from work early and found my best friend and my visually impaired boyfriend having sex. His reaction was, “I thought it was you!” My best friend is a man. FML

Today, I was looking at my best friend’s Facebook, after she’s been away on holidays for two weeks. Turns out that she came back 3 days ago, and has been avoiding telling me or talking to me. FML

Today, my best friend accidentally dropped my iPod touch in the lake. Yesterday, that same friend dropped my cell phone in the toilet. FML

Today, I couldn’t find any tampons, so I walked into the kitchen, loudly proclaiming I needed some more. Little did I know, my mother, her best friend, and her best friend’s hot son were all in the kitchen, talking about him plastering the kitchen next week. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me through a Facebook status, and both my mom and best friend “liked” it. FML

Today, I stayed up all night worrying about my best friend because she wouldn’t text me back. She’s okay, she was just busy doing it with my boyfriend. FML

Today, my best friend told me that she won’t be coming to my wedding, which is taking place in the town we both live in. Instead, she’s going to a heavy metal concert. In Germany. She’d rather go overseas to attend a concert that happens every year than attend my once-in-a-lifetime wedding. FML

Today, I found a picture of my little sister giving my best friend a handjob during my last birthday party. FML

Today, it’s my best friend’s 17th birthday. I gave her a handmade book of memories since we were five that I’d been working on for ages. She threw it on the floor and said, “Haha good one! Now where’s my real present?” FML