Posts Tagged ‘best-friend’

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

Today, my boyfriend was introducing me to some business partners. As he was going along telling me their names, when he introduced me, he called me by my best friend’s name. FML

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, “You’re beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker.” FML

Today, my girlfriend’s best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

Today, I told my best friend that I was pregnant and that I really needed her support. Shocked, she asked me who the father was. She then called me a backstabbing whore and stormed off. Apparently she is jealous that I had sex with a boy who turned her down a year ago. FML

Today, I went over to my girlfriends house with a bouquet of roses, hoping she’d like them. When I got there, I found my best friend had come up with a similar idea, and was having steamy sex with her in the kitchen. FML

Today at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn’t anymore. FML

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend’s party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, “So, are you two official?” I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, “No, not really.” Sorry, I wasn’t aware, darling. FML

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn’t until after I’d used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend’s great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn’t until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn’t kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

Today, I was telling my best friend about how much I like this girl. 5 minutes later he changes his relationship status on facebook from single to in a relationship with the girl I was just talking to him about. FML

Today, I found out that the person who’s been calling me repeatedly from different numbers, writing me creepy e-mails from anonymous accounts, and occasionally stalking me in my neighborhood is, in fact, my best friend of 3 years. I had to get a restraining order. FML