FML Today » birthday

wish.was.single says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:12:48 +0000

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn’t have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 03:14:09 +0000

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

FuturePolice says FML

admin — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:47:48 +0000

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, “You’ll be really busy in the academy, and I can’t marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job.” And then called me selfish for “doing this to us.” FML

sick in Vegas says FML

admin — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 01:05:54 +0000

Today, I’m in Vegas to celebrate my 22nd birthday. I should be out having a blast, but a stomach virus thought otherwise. I’ll be spending my birthday stuck in my hotel room eating microwaved soup. FML

thathottchickk says FML

admin — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 08:04:24 +0000

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 22:49:41 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, “Wait, what’s this white thing?” It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

sparklethelette says FML

admin — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 09:18:53 +0000

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn’t get the “blue water to go away” when he flushed. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 01:35:10 +0000

Today, my mom went grocery shopping. After I helped carry in all the bags, she proudly presented the ice cream cake she’d gotten for my birthday, knowing that I’m lactose intolerant. FML

Sal says FML

admin — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:32:06 +0000

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn’t get me a different gift. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:01:58 +0000

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:39:27 +0000

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:39:20 +0000

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

ravlol says FML

admin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 01:34:18 +0000

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

jerdub93 says FML

admin — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:46:43 +0000

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

notsohappy says FML

admin — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 08:50:41 +0000

Today, I was at the laundromat. I put my clothes in the dryer and decided to go next door and get a drink. By the time I got back, all my clothes were gone. I now have nothing to wear until I get paid. Which is in 2 weeks. FML

nocostumeforme says FML

admin — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 02:01:11 +0000

Today, I excitedly checked the mail to see if my Halloween costume finally arrived. It didn’t. I live in an isolated city, so finding a costume by any other means than the Internet was impossible. I spent over $100 for a costume that I won’t even get to wear this year. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 14:37:42 +0000

Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriends house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML

SNBBFF says FML

admin — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 10:29:16 +0000

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how “awesome” Van Halen are, and ignored me all night. FML

WhoopteeDooDoo says FML

admin — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 08:27:47 +0000

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

sadbj says FML

admin — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 08:27:24 +0000

Today, I inadvertently talked my girlfriend out of giving me a blowjob for my birthday. FML