Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn’t call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being “unprofessional and unacceptable.” My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was “unprofessional and unacceptable.” FML
Today, in a meeting at work, my boss said: “I have to tell you something, one of us has to leave the office because of bad results.” I started laughing and said: “What fool would make a mess of this job?” Turns out I was the one who had to leave. FML
Today, I found out when my boss said her boyfriend was a mechanic, she really meant he used to work at Midas changing oil. This explains why the $200 I spent having him “fix” my car is now complimented by the $700 I now have to spend at the shop on my cracked radiator. FML
Today, I went to work and my boss said he wanted to see me. After working for him for 5 years, I thought I was getting promoted. Turns out that he no longer needed me, and fired me. FML
Today, I found out the reason I can’t get a job. My previous employer didn’t know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML
Today, I quit my job at McDonald’s. The first thing my boss said was, “With a resume like yours, the only place you’ll find work is a Burger King.” I’m 31. FML
Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn’t catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I’m a groomer’s assistant) and looked at my boss and said “What?” To which she replied, “Be careful, he bites.” I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML