Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend’

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I’m angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn’t careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: “Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn’t look too heated.” A few minutes later, he replied: “Great timing, he was holding my phone.” FML

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn’t find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, “Exactly.” FML

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn’t think he can do any better. FML

Today, I was looking through my boyfriend’s Facebook photos, when I saw a recent comment by one of his friends asking how his night out with “Danielle” went. He replied: “Dude, keep that shit on the down-low.” We’ve been dating for over a year. FML

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn’t have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML