FML Today » boyfriend

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:26:44 +0000

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my “boyfriend” had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

Fire0fisis says FML

admin — Wed, 23 May 2012 15:51:33 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There’s nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

boblaj says FML

admin — Tue, 22 May 2012 21:38:59 +0000

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she’s always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

ordinaryday says FML

admin — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:08:25 +0000

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

angry girlfriend says FML

admin — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:08:16 +0000

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it he said he “didn’t think I needed to know and to mind my own business.” I think I’m about to be single. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 02:19:16 +0000

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom’s lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn’t have a lazy eye, he’s never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he’s been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

HK says FML

admin — Fri, 18 May 2012 13:40:36 +0000

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

Vero says FML

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 19:09:21 +0000

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn’t closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

HK says FML

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 07:33:06 +0000

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 22:33:52 +0000

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 18:03:46 +0000

Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

inapickle says FML

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 15:44:00 +0000

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I’m pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

singleagain says FML

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 07:06:24 +0000

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I’m now single again. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 13 May 2012 00:28:05 +0000

Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a “confession”. His confession consisted of him saying that “women are like a bag of chips,” and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML

504-A1 says FML

admin — Fri, 11 May 2012 23:08:37 +0000

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, “Why don’t you just fucking marry it, then?!” and then hanging up. FML

anamota89 says FML

admin — Fri, 11 May 2012 16:18:32 +0000

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn’t hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, “Did you fart?” I said “No, it was my dog.” I don’t have a dog, and he knows this. FML

laury says FML

admin — Wed, 09 May 2012 08:33:59 +0000

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

Kwalker3 says FML

admin — Sun, 06 May 2012 14:49:51 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, “Hang on, I’m buffering.” FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 06 May 2012 10:17:03 +0000

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said “Nope, just more acne.” FML

CALIdime_15 says FML

admin — Sat, 05 May 2012 10:46:01 +0000

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML