FML Today » brother

groomsman says FML

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 18:58:34 +0000

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

mc_dreamy says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 22:24:57 +0000

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, “They’re playing leap-frog.” My niece said, “Looks like they’re fucking to me.” She’s 4. FML

Chad says FML

admin — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 21:21:17 +0000

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we’re interested in. The first one she listed wasn’t a celebrity – it was my brother. He’s spending the weekend with us. FML

brother love says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 11:23:07 +0000

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

Proudlyintp says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 11:22:34 +0000

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

kggggg says FML

admin — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 17:33:00 +0000

Today, while at my friend’s house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said “Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?” She stared and replied with “No, he has autism.” FML

Mikey832 says FML

admin — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 19:00:58 +0000

Today, my brother’s girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother’s girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

123456789 says FML

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:47:17 +0000

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML

taylz0294 says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:26:10 +0000

Today, my brother randomly told me that unless he’s wearing underwear, his jungle of pubic hair would get caught in his zipper. Thanks for the lovely visual. FML

animelover says FML

admin — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 08:09:58 +0000

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn’t stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,”If you don’t stay in bed, the monster will eat you!” I now have to wash my brother’s bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

curlygirly2428 says FML

admin — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:09:39 +0000

Today, I decided that the only way of getting my brother off the couch was to tickle him off. Apparently, he was more ticklish than I thought, and kicked me in the nose. Now, along with bruising, I can’t breathe out of my left nostril. FML

42 says FML

admin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 14:35:38 +0000

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

balless says FML

admin — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 23:31:56 +0000

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to shoot a roman candle at my balls. FML

unhappybirthday says FML

admin — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 08:35:05 +0000

Today, I was in the car with my dad and younger brother. My dad suddenly says “Well, just 6 more days,” which made me happy because that’s when my birthday is. I smile and say “Yeah I’m excited,” to which he replies, “Me too, I’ve been waiting for your brother’s first football practice all year.” FML

Raychill says FML

admin — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 11:28:29 +0000

Today, I talked to my boyfriend’s brother about whether or not my boyfriend would cheat on me if he was drunk. He told me not to worry because his brother “only makes out with guys when he’s drunk.” FML

unhappygrad says FML

admin — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 11:14:49 +0000

Today, my brother got a cake, and a gift card from his co-workers for his graduation. We’re twins, and I’m graduating too. My boss left early to go out drinking, leaving me his work to finish. His parting advice: “Don’t trip walking across the stage. Everyone has a video camera these days.” FML

sincerely says FML

admin — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 10:54:27 +0000

Today, my boyfriend finally called me after a week of barely any communication. He wanted to talk to my brother about Call of Duty. FML

Omgrofl66 says FML

admin — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:09:28 +0000

Today, I caught my brother smelling my underwear while doing the laundry. FML

FarisH says FML

admin — Mon, 31 May 2010 15:43:19 +0000

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I’ll going to the prom, to my brother’s wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

Teresa says FML

admin — Fri, 28 May 2010 11:21:36 +0000

Today, I couldn’t sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn’t kick my cat out of bed because I am an unemployed college student, who earlier today had an argument with my brother in sixth grade over which of us the cat loved more. FML