FML Today » brother

family business blows says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 04:14:41 +0000

Today, my dad bitched me out for getting a tiny drop of paint on the couch in his office. Meanwhile my brother, who took last weekend off for Coachella with no warning and left me to pick up his workload, just got a promotion. FML

PickedOff says FML

admin — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:02:55 +0000

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

horselover7766 says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 07:37:05 +0000

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushes me in and then runs away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 01:44:12 +0000

Today, I went to get ice cream with my brother. As we walked to our car, cops ran into the parking lot, pointing their guns and yelling at someone trying to flee the scene to stop. I froze in fear while my brother excitedly said, “This is just like COPS!” and tried to get closer. FML

louis says FML

admin — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 01:53:13 +0000

Today, my brother called, asking for a ride home from school. I was out shopping, so I said I’d be there in twenty minutes. I drove as fast as I could, narrowly avoided rear-ending a cop, and made it there in record time, only for my brother to call and let me know he’d gotten a ride from a friend. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 09:50:55 +0000

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn’t there to watch a football game with him, like I always do when I get the chance. I was at my brother’s funeral. FML

ottercat13 says FML

admin — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 00:24:50 +0000

Today, I tripped and fell down a full flight of steps. My 7 year old brother decided to stand on my back as I was lying at the bottom, toy sword in hand as if he had vanquished me. My mom refused to help me, instead taking a picture and posting it on Facebook. FML

bamboozled says FML

admin — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 23:20:41 +0000

Today, I discovered my brother had stolen some of my old Barbies from my room. I walked in on him trying to use them as voodoo dolls. FML

new tv says FML

admin — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 23:03:58 +0000

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation, my brother thought it would be funny to leave the TV paused on a picture of gay porn. I was gone for two weeks. Now the screen is burnt-in and no matter what I watch, I can still see the outline of two guys getting it on. FML

thank you come again says FML

admin — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:16:19 +0000

Today, my brother smashed my face into my birthday cake. In his excitement, he didn’t realize I hadn’t blown out all the candles yet. FML

iDisable says FML

admin — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 08:40:49 +0000

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

MoMo235 says FML

admin — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 07:18:21 +0000

Today, I was sitting at a bar with my friends. Suddenly I hear a man’s voice whispering “I’d tap that” while pinching my ass. I angrily turn around, only to find my brother looking at me with a very confused expression on his face. FML

mongoosemike says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 10:33:24 +0000

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother’s girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn’t put any pants on. FML

Uhmm… says FML

admin — Sat, 14 May 2011 04:43:54 +0000

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

hornyloser says FML

admin — Mon, 02 May 2011 22:14:17 +0000

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

Xtralicu says FML

admin — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 21:20:01 +0000

Today, I ran outside in only my boxers to close the parasols before a lightning storm arrived. While I was closing them, the wind blew the door shut, locking me outside in the storm. Two hours later, my brother finally opened the door, yelling “Are you crazy?! Are you trying to catch a cold?!” FML

Omegared says FML

admin — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 00:11:40 +0000

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

Now Single says FML

admin — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 15:18:50 +0000

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

dazzla08 says FML

admin — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 07:28:53 +0000

Today, in front of my family, my brother’s wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I’m sterile. FML

acneallergy says FML

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 11:11:30 +0000

Today, I secretly stole my brother’s facial cleanser because I was jealous of his results. Turns out I was allergic to it. Not only did he find out and I have to buy him a new one, my face looks even worse than before. FML