Posts Tagged ‘bush’

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who’d locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn’t stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he “drank the whole bottle of Jack” he “couldn’t get it up” for his wife. He thought that alcohol was suppose to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his “whiskey dick”. FML

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, “Please, be serious about this.” Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, “If you can’t be serious, we won’t do this.” FML

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he’ll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

Today, I was running through the bush because I hadn’t exercised in a while. I saw a bright red flower in the top left of my vision. I immediately thought it was a facebook notification. FML