Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk then tried to hit me. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they turned up, my father yelled, “Help! This man tried to stab me!” The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML
Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML
Today, my little brother James went missing. We spent three hours searching for him. We even called the police. One of my older brothers found him under my bed. I’d forgotten that I was playing hide and seek with him. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he’s gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML