Posts Tagged ‘came-home’

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn’t tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

Today, I returned from an exchange student year in Finland, as a sophomore. In Finland, I took Vector Calculus, Biochemistry, English IV, Finnish III, and overall made straight A’s. I came home to find that the guidance office had made a mistake with my transcript. I won’t be getting credit. FML

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

Today, my niece’s dog died. Trying to be sympathetic, I sent her a text: “He’s in a better place, lol jk.” She came home crying. I thought “lol” meant “lots of love”, and “JK” is my initials. FML

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

Today, my parents went out. I stayed home and vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed to surprise them. They came home and yelled at me because it “isn’t my job.” FML

Today, I came home from work early and found my best friend and my visually impaired boyfriend having sex. His reaction was, “I thought it was you!” My best friend is a man. FML

Today, my husband and I came home from our romantic, relaxing honeymoon to find all our wedding gifts and furniture had been stolen. They did leave my wedding dress though. Complete with poop. FML

Today, I came home to my girlfriend who said she wrote all 190 thank you cards for my graduation party. She said she’d also saved one for me so I could see what they looked like. I opened it to find, “Screw you. Signed, an ungrateful, cheating manwhore.” FML

Today, I came home from a choir concert only to find out that the armpit areas of my dress shirt have turned purple. Apparently I sweat colors. FML