Posts Tagged ‘coffee’
Friday, May 13th, 2011
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML
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Rating: 4.8/5 (12 votes cast)
Tags: coffee, coffee-cup, ear-because, fml, license, stepped-out, supposedly-looked
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Friday, February 4th, 2011
Today, I was sitting at my desk at work when one of my co-workers offered me a cup of coffee. Coming forward with the steaming cup, he didn’t see the legs of the chair I was sitting on, tripped, and spilled the coffee on me, my desk, and the computer. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: and-spilled, and-the, chair, co-workers-offered, coffee, legs, spilled-the-coffee, the-chair, the-coffee
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Monday, January 31st, 2011
Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. I’m a boy. FML
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Rating: 4.3/5 (4 votes cast)
Tags: a-little-boy, and-told, bad-day, coffee, coffee-break, fml, little-boy, prettiest, prettiest-girl
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Friday, January 28th, 2011
Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
Tags: a-few-young, coffee, daughter, few-young, first-experience, how-their, old-these, park, see-how
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Friday, January 21st, 2011
Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML
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Rating: 4.5/5 (2 votes cast)
Tags: a-napkin-from, all-over, carpet, clean-up-, coffee, coffee-table, fml, from-the-kitchen, kitchen, napkin-from, the-kitchen, then-had, treated-myself
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Tuesday, November 30th, 2010
Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled “something weird, like sulfur.” I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML
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Tags: coffee, fml, smell, something-weird, source, supervisor, the-coffee, the-smell, the-source
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Wednesday, October 6th, 2010
Today, my boyfriend said he would like to pour coffee in my vagina and then have him lick me out. I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
Tags: boyfriend, boyfriend-said, coffee, fml, him-lick, joking-or-not, pour-coffee, vagina
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Sunday, August 29th, 2010
Today, I was in a cafe when I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After the song, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then, I remembered that I was listening to my iPod. FML
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Rating: 4.9/5 (11 votes cast)
Tags: after-the-song, beat, coffee, fml, ipod, music, really-loud, song, the-beat, the-song
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Saturday, July 24th, 2010
Today, my store got a new carpet put in for the waiting room. I tripped on the ‘watch your step’ sign I put down and spilt my coffee all over the new carpet. FML
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Tags: coffee, fml, new-carpet, over-the-new, put-down, step, store, waiting
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Thursday, June 17th, 2010
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
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Rating: 4.6/5 (5 votes cast)
Tags: bathroom, coffee, doritos, fml, playboy, room, room-mate-came, the-bathroom, the-coffee, used-condom
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Thursday, April 1st, 2010
Today, I was sitting on my friend’s couch and began playing with a cool looking toy on the coffee table. I pushed a button and heard a loud ‘POP’ and a scream. I look over to see my friend, the couch, the wall and curtains covered in a red gel. I now know what a mace gun looks like. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
Tags: began-playing, coffee, cool-looking, fml, friend, look-over, now-know, the-coffee, the-couch
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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010
Today, I got home from work and found a paper bag full of condoms. I also stepped on a pile of used condoms on the floor, and I found a bottle of lotion on the coffee table. I am single and no one else lives in my apartment. I think I need to move. FML
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Tags: apartment, coffee, floor, fml, from-work, one-else, paper-bag, the-coffee, the-floor, used-condoms
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Sunday, February 21st, 2010
Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn’t notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
Tags: also-kept, busiest-street, coffee, crossing-the-busiest, fell-right, fml, friend-didn, monstrated-at-length, steaming-hot
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Sunday, February 21st, 2010
Today, I was out on a date with a guy. I leaned down to get something out of my bag and hit my head on some protruding concrete. I said I was fine. Then blood came running down my face. FML
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Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: also-kept, busiest-street, coffee, face, fml, monstrated-at-length, running-down, some-protruding, steaming-hot
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Monday, February 8th, 2010
Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister’s boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML
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Rating: 3.3/5 (3 votes cast)
Tags: boyfriend-play, center-pane, coffee, coffee-table, fault, fml, got-called, please-two, shattered-the-center, sister, six-months, the-wooden, wooden
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