FML Today » coffee

phant776 says FML

admin — Fri, 13 May 2011 12:46:18 +0000

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

Failworks says FML

admin — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 22:34:54 +0000

Today, I was sitting at my desk at work when one of my co-workers offered me a cup of coffee. Coming forward with the steaming cup, he didn’t see the legs of the chair I was sitting on, tripped, and spilled the coffee on me, my desk, and the computer. FML

imsadnow says FML

admin — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 23:20:41 +0000

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. I’m a boy. FML

JordanVilleneuve says FML

admin — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 08:15:20 +0000

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

twinkie2 says FML

admin — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:49:24 +0000

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

oopsididitagain says FML

admin — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 23:00:32 +0000

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled “something weird, like sulfur.” I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

frod says FML

admin — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 17:34:25 +0000

Today, my boyfriend said he would like to pour coffee in my vagina and then have him lick me out. I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. FML

mcbaldy says FML

admin — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:40:28 +0000

Today, I was in a cafe when I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After the song, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then, I remembered that I was listening to my iPod. FML

seanisanoob says FML

admin — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:56:12 +0000

Today, my store got a new carpet put in for the waiting room. I tripped on the ‘watch your step’ sign I put down and spilt my coffee all over the new carpet. FML

Doritos says FML

admin — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 15:10:46 +0000

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

macedintheface says FML

admin — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 11:36:39 +0000

Today, I was sitting on my friend’s couch and began playing with a cool looking toy on the coffee table. I pushed a button and heard a loud ‘POP’ and a scream. I look over to see my friend, the couch, the wall and curtains covered in a red gel. I now know what a mace gun looks like. FML

noob_champ says FML

admin — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 21:27:40 +0000

Today, I got home from work and found a paper bag full of condoms. I also stepped on a pile of used condoms on the floor, and I found a bottle of lotion on the coffee table. I am single and no one else lives in my apartment. I think I need to move. FML

burnnnnn says FML

admin — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:31:13 +0000

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn’t notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

erin1985 says FML

admin — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:31:57 +0000

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. I leaned down to get something out of my bag and hit my head on some protruding concrete. I said I was fine. Then blood came running down my face. FML

Kaganate says FML

admin — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:32:39 +0000

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister’s boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

bern5555 says FML

admin — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:29:25 +0000

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

sorrydad says FML

admin — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:55:20 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was “parent-appropriate.” Apparently we didn’t notice the S&M catalog in the pile on our coffee table… but his mom sure did. FML

ChristmasCardDork says FML

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:58:39 +0000

Today, I mailed out all my Christmas cards. As I was relaxing and being impressed with myself for being so organized this year, I saw the stack of Christmas cards on the coffee table. Everyone will be receiving an empty envelope for Christmas this year. FML

WasteOfTime says FML

admin — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:36:25 +0000

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML