Today, my dad took me out driving for the first time since I got my permit. I was doing pretty good until he reached over and turned the wheel to “simulate a distracted driver.” The car ended up going into a ditch, and he’s making me pay for the repairs because I wasn’t careful enough. FML
Today, my parents and I decided to finally rent Avatar. Throughout the whole movie, my dad took it upon himself to talk. Annoyed, I asked him to shut up because this was a movie I really wanted to see. Instead, he patted my head and started teasing me about being so sensitive. I’m twenty and I’m still being treated like I’m five. FML
Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML
Today, my dad took me out to lunch. On the way home, he tells me that he is in love with another woman. While he is explaining this to me, he gets a text message. He tells me that its from her. Then he asks if he should get her on the phone so that I can talk to her. FML
Today, I returned to the USA after being in Italy for a month. My boyfriend of 6 years picked me up; we had plans to go ring shopping this week. I ran to him, and told him how much I loved and had missed him. He handed me a chocolate chip cookie from Starbucks and dumped me. FML