Posts Tagged ‘daughter’
Friday, January 27th, 2012
Today, my roommate did his laundry. Unfortunately, he didn’t check his pockets before he washed them. There’s now sticky, melted gum all over the washer and I’m left to clean it up. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: android, animals-money, daughter, health, intimacy, kids, today, united-states, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Thursday, January 26th, 2012
Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I’m out of her will. Apparently, I “molest towels” and leave them to “fester for days” in my “den of depravity”. I’m sure they’ll give me their daughter now. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: amazon, android, animals, australia, black, daughter, family, fml, health, health-intimacy, money, pick-a-country, today
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 24th, 2012
Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald’s because he thought I was President Obama. I’m a 26-year-old white woman. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: android, animals, applications, black, daughter, fml, kids, love, miscellaneous, money, today, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Monday, January 16th, 2012
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he’d left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 2.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: android, applications, daughter, facebook, fml, health, health-intimacy, home, intimacy, kids, naked
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Monday, January 16th, 2012
Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: amazon, android, animals-money, applications, daughter, facebook, fml, health, health-intimacy, home, love, money, naked
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Sunday, January 15th, 2012
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then I fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She’d confused me with her clock-radio. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: amazon, animals, applications, daughter, european, facebook, fml, france, home, intimacy, pick-a-country, today
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Friday, January 13th, 2012
Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I’d left my keys back in the house. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: android, animals, animals-money, black, daughter, fml, health, health-intimacy, house, kids, love, money, today, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Thursday, January 12th, 2012
Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: applications, daughter, fml, home, intimacy, kids, miscellaneous, money, top-of-the-page, united-kingdom, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Friday, January 6th, 2012
Today, my therapist told me, “I’m sorry, but I’m not qualified to handle your level of instability.” FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: amazon, animals-money, applications, black, daughter, facebook, fml, health, health-intimacy, home, intimacy, love, pick-a-country, therapist, united-states
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter “who has never been kissed.” FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: amazon, android, animals, applications, daughter, fml, friends, health-intimacy, home, kids, pick-a-country, today, united-states
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: animals, animals-money, applications, black, daughter, fml, friends, girlfriend, health, home, intimacy, love, oregon, pick-a-country
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: amazon, animals, applications, black, daughter, fml, intimacy, kids, love, pick-a-country, today, united-states, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Thursday, December 29th, 2011
Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: amazon, black, daughter, fml, health, intimacy, kids, love, united-states, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. I now have to explain this to the dentist. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
Tags: amazon, applications, daughter, fml, health, health-intimacy, home, intimacy, kids, love, today, united-states
Posted in fml | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML
VN:F [1.8.8_1072]
Thanks for Rating This FML!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Tags: animals, applications, black, daughter, fml, home, intimacy, kids, love, massachusetts, miscellaneous, today, united-states, work
Posted in fml | No Comments »