Today, my husband and I were discussing name ideas for our daughter who’s due in about two months. I want to name her Katharine, after my mother who died of breast cancer in 2007. He wants to name her Megan, after Megan Fox. FML
Today, I went on a bike ride with my daughter in an effort to lose some weight. While going uphill, one of my pedals snapped in half. Not a few seconds later, I made a full faceplant into asphalt. FML
Today, I was playing with my daughter. We were having a spray bottle full of water war. When she went to fill up her bottle, she decided to play a trick on mommy and fill it with her pee. Then she sprayed it on me. She didn’t decide to tell me until she was done. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter did not actually learn to use the bathroom at night. In reality, she’s just been taking off her dirty diapers and putting on clean ones before we wake up. She hid the dirty ones in her dresser drawer. FML
Today, I got the raise I’d been waiting for a long time. Later, I went home and told my wife and kids the news. As I was telling them, my daughter starts to laugh. Confused, I ask why she’s laughing. She then explains that she makes more money than me, and she works as a barber in the mall. FML
Today, my daughter unplugged the refrigerator to charge her cell phone. There was a lot of expensive catered food in there for a party at my office for tomorrow. It’s all spoiled. I guess I’ll be ordering pizza then. FML
Today, my daughter was using this new lotion that gives you a tanned look to get rid of some tan lines in her feet. I now have orange footprints on my recently cleaned white carpet. FML
Today, my daughter decided to ‘paint’ her toy box with her poop. When I had cleaned it off with paper towels, I threw the whole mess in the trash can. My dog then got it out of the trash and spread it all over the floor. I had to clean up her poop again. FML
Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she’s back in mommy’s and daddy’s bed. FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she’d “accidentally” tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML