Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML
Today, the door bell rang, and immigration was at our door. After an hour of talking to them, I found out that I was actually born in Canada, living in the US illegally. We’re all being deported next week. FML
Today, I was late to work because my bathroom door jammed while I was taking a shower. I tried for half an hour to fix the door, only to have to jump out of my bathroom window. It was 12 feet high, and I was wearing only a towel. FML
Today, when I opened the door to the basement, the lights were already on. Annoyed, I yelled out, “Why does everyone leave the lights on down here?” Then, unthinkingly, I turned off the lights and started walking down the stairs. Not only did I trip down the stairs, but when my niece came to see if I was alright, she fell too. FML
Today, at work I went into the supply closet to get something, and the door closed and locked on me. When I screamed for help, all I heard was laughter coming from the outside. They left me there until the janitor found me three hours later. I got fired for “ditching” work. FML
Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom. Someone knocked on the door. Thinking it was my little sister, I yelled, “Leave me alone, I’m taking a big dump!” It was my boyfriend. He was at my house to suprise me and give me flowers. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I’d left the light on before I left. FML
Today, I discovered that my grandmother doesn’t close her door when she’s getting ready to take a shower. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, “Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom.” I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML