Posts Tagged ‘elderly-woman’

Today, while at work, I asked an elderly woman if she needed help with her bags. She responded with “I’d say yes, but I’m afraid you’ll eat all my groceries before I make it to my car.” FML

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, “Why can’t every guy be as handsome as you?” I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can’t look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I’m a swimmer. FML

Today, while I was at work, where I am a Lifeguard at an indoor pool, an elderly woman frantically got my attention and said that she needed help out of the pool. So I obliged, and grabbed her rather large hiney and lifted her out. Turns out she had unknowingly pooped, and I had to wash my hands. FML

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says “Thank you Toby,” and then refuses to give back “her” umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I’m 33. FML

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, “It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind.” I didn’t know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn’t the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML