Posts Tagged ‘english’

Today, my parents got a call from my English teacher. She told them that I have 14 days of detention because I’ve been cutting class. I’ve been there every day, but apparently she never noticed me. FML

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my resume. However, I did not know that it was my fake resume, created for my English class. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster and the former president of Canada. FML

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidently shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were “You ain’t gonna pass this class if you ain’t gonna study.” FML

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. “I couldn’t find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?” She quickly replied “He’s dead”, giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

Today, I found out why my teacher never called on me to answer questions during lectures. He wasn’t sure how well my English was because he thought I was an international student. I’ve lived in the US my whole life. FML

Today, I got into a 21+ club using my sister’s ID. While there, I saw this hot guy, so I approached him. It turns out it was the student teacher from my senior English class celebrating his 21st birthday with all of my other teachers. FML

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

Today, I returned from an exchange student year in Finland, as a sophomore. In Finland, I took Vector Calculus, Biochemistry, English IV, Finnish III, and overall made straight A’s. I came home to find that the guidance office had made a mistake with my transcript. I won’t be getting credit. FML

Today, my car was broken into and vandalized with racial slurs and threats about Hispanics. I’m not Hispanic, I just had a piece of paper in Spanish in my seat. The other side was in English, but I don’t guess they bothered to flip it over. FML

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn’t move in time. FML

Today, I had an interview. I didn’t get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I “talk too good.” I just graduated with an English degree. FML