Today, I tried to open the research paper I’ve been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can’t be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML
Today, I got a tattoo of my boyfriend’s name on my hip. Before I got the chance to show him, he broke up with me and told me he was cheating on me for the entire 5 years we’ve been together. Now I have to look at his name on my body for the rest of my life. FML
Today, I went shopping for a new phone with a full Qwerty keyset. The man at the phone store kept trying to get me to upgrade my service plan to a more expensive one, with unlimited talk time. I’m a mute, and had been communicating with him via pen and paper during the entire checkout process. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my boyfriend for the first time and I had to hold in a huge fart the entire time. I couldn’t get off because I was too busy clenching my butt cheeks. FML
Today, my entire family thinks I’m a lesbian. I’m straight. I’m embarrassed and don’t know how to tell them that I’ve been single for so long because I can’t get a guy. FML
Today, I woke up to find that the police blocked off my entire street. Turns out my neighbor was harboring a fugitive. How did I find out? When I stepped outside to see what my dog was barking at, they drew their guns on me. I pissed myself. FML
Today, I learned that I will inherit nothing from my grandma. She’d rather give the money to my cousin’s ex-wife than me. I’ve worked my ass off in school for my entire life, but since I’m “so smart” my “life must be easy” and therefore I “could have no use for her assets.” FML
Today, I was assigned to a perverted, old man while I was working in a nursing home. He had been hitting on me the entire morning and had even smacked my ass during meal time. He later took a crap in my hand when I was told to give him a shower. FML
Today, while walking with dad through a bookstore, he stops to pick up “America’s Best Erotica 2008″ and says loudly, “Who would buy this stuff?” After finding what I came for, I catch him reading erotica, again. Startled, he knocks down the entire erotica section shelf. FML
Today, I found out my entire family has stayed friends with my ex husband who cheated on me and stole my dog because they “think he is a nice guy.” FML