FML Today » face

spoiled22 says FML

admin — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:16:47 +0000

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

fmylife7721 says FML

admin — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 17:55:45 +0000

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said “so that’s how you got rid of yours so fast” then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

fmylife7721 says FML

admin — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 18:16:00 +0000

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said “so that’s how you got rid of yours so fast” then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

ugh annoying says FML

admin — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:31:52 +0000

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn’t able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

hopeless says FML

admin — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 17:58:06 +0000

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

pinocchio says FML

admin — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 04:29:23 +0000

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn’t go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

stillAvirgin:( says FML

admin — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 08:18:44 +0000

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don’t want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

princev says FML

admin — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 19:28:52 +0000

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

Ari says FML

admin — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 10:48:06 +0000

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

Braxam says FML

admin — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:35:50 +0000

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, “Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad.” FML

Alec says FML

admin — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 15:39:55 +0000

Today, I had a sore throat, and I’d read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

sheyshey0413 says FML

admin — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 21:47:08 +0000

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

Brandy_Dandy78 says FML

admin — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 21:57:35 +0000

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

Anonyme says FML

admin — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 01:47:26 +0000

Today, I’m trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I’m not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

Liz says FML

admin — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 12:05:57 +0000

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

MoMo235 says FML

admin — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 07:18:21 +0000

Today, I was sitting at a bar with my friends. Suddenly I hear a man’s voice whispering “I’d tap that” while pinching my ass. I angrily turn around, only to find my brother looking at me with a very confused expression on his face. FML

amandoy2 says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 21:23:30 +0000

Today, my boyfriend woke me up by repeatedly slapping me in the face with his penis. FML

Someguy says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 22:40:10 +0000

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn’t have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

raebelle says FML

admin — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 22:01:11 +0000

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

BurnedByAWaiter says FML

admin — Tue, 24 May 2011 18:05:06 +0000

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that “it’s against company policy to mock customers to their face.” FML