FML Today » family

thejbarrick50 says FML

admin — Mon, 21 May 2012 08:53:18 +0000

Today, I decided to save a few bucks and let my mother cut my hair. I then had to wait in the hospital for attention due to the fact that she cut the tip of my ear off. FML

crazyman. says FML

admin — Sat, 12 May 2012 15:19:51 +0000

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

wtf is wrong with my country says FML

admin — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:38:04 +0000

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

N says FML

admin — Mon, 07 May 2012 16:11:28 +0000

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, “Every time you disappoint us we burn one.” FML

madseason says FML

admin — Mon, 07 May 2012 06:46:18 +0000

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it’s not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

flustered says FML

admin — Sun, 06 May 2012 23:59:56 +0000

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

geez_wth says FML

admin — Sun, 06 May 2012 19:19:37 +0000

Today, I had a dream I was on the toilet taking the longest piss known to man. Unfortunately, it was partially true. FML

Damn says FML

admin — Sun, 06 May 2012 19:19:33 +0000

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don’t run in my family or my sister’s husband’s family, but they do run in my husband’s family. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 04 May 2012 06:54:31 +0000

Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

Kate says FML

admin — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 18:35:41 +0000

Today, I watched “Rain Man” with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, “Omigod! That’s just like Kate!” FML

Jaclk says FML

admin — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 08:14:28 +0000

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn’t have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I’m not a loser. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:46:58 +0000

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

ugh says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 11:46:56 +0000

Today, while driving home after the legal curfew, I narrowly avoided a police roadblock and backtracked a mile to drive home another way. I then ran out of gas a mile away from my house. FML

burr415 says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 04:55:20 +0000

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, “Yeah, I thought so.” They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

fuck says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 04:55:17 +0000

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family’s paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

c*nt says FML

admin — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 05:09:20 +0000

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they’d finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

girly says FML

admin — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:07:19 +0000

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying “I can’t wait to f*ck later.” I replied saying, “Couldn’t we just spend time together?” Her response was, “What are you, a girl?” FML

emoflowers says FML

admin — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:35:57 +0000

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn’t. FML

day001313 says FML

admin — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 11:07:35 +0000

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

Tanner says FML

admin — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 06:30:04 +0000

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML