FML Today » father

ouch. says FML

admin — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 11:11:27 +0000

Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I’d like some. My dad’s a plastic surgeon. FML

tomcat69 says FML

admin — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 09:06:41 +0000

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son’s request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn’t have friends sleep over. FML

fmhusband says FML

admin — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 21:45:30 +0000

Today, my father-in-law told my husband that I’m sleeping with his best friend. I’m not. My husband laughed and said, “Have you seen my wife? No one else will take her.” FML

firethorn says FML

admin — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 10:16:32 +0000

Today, I opened my Father’s Day present from my mother in law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 23:03:45 +0000

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

suze44 says FML

admin — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 17:06:20 +0000

Today, my father decided to “prepare” me for the real world by telling me that I’m ugly. FML

maribel says FML

admin — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 14:56:31 +0000

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, to the women he cheated on me with. FML

GoodSon says FML

admin — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:24:14 +0000

Today, I realized I have to teach my father about relationships and dating. Recently divorced after 30 years of marriage, he’s trying to get dates and doesn’t know some rules. For example: discussing your anal fissure with your pharmacist/lady prospect is, for some reason, a no-no. FML

Steve.mc says FML

admin — Sun, 01 May 2011 18:21:33 +0000

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

Sammy says FML

admin — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 21:09:32 +0000

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

MyS3lf says FML

admin — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 07:21:11 +0000

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He’s staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

stolen says FML

admin — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 01:02:27 +0000

Today, I was robbed. They took my father’s ashes. FML

poked says FML

admin — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 08:28:12 +0000

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on facebook. FML

campbellsoop says FML

admin — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:54:23 +0000

Today, I told my best friend that I was pregnant and that I really needed her support. Shocked, she asked me who the father was. She then called me a backstabbing whore and stormed off. Apparently she is jealous that I had sex with a boy who turned her down a year ago. FML

Fucked says FML

admin — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 09:17:43 +0000

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, “Don’t say shit you can’t back up!” Her father had picked up the phone the moment I’d said it. FML

sadkayla says FML

admin — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 09:27:27 +0000

Today, I was telling my father about how I was going to end up homeless one day if I don’t find a job. His advice? Move somewhere warm like San Diego and find a nice bridge there. FML

64bella18 says FML

admin — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 16:02:11 +0000

Today, we had company over. I made meatballs in one pot and some Little Smokie sausages in the other for appetizers. I thought nothing of it until my father-in-law pointed out I was serving balls and wieners for Christmas. FML

grossed the f out says FML

admin — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 12:20:41 +0000

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

notorious_nada says FML

admin — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 18:39:46 +0000

Today, my youngest son tried to breast feed off of me. I’m his father. FML

les88 says FML

admin — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 18:11:28 +0000

Today, my father refused to go to the hospital with my mother for her critical vascular surgery. He told me he couldn’t miss “band practice.” FML