Posts Tagged ‘few-minutes’

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She happily said yes. After a few minutes of kissing, she said, “Wait, does this mean we have to live together?” FML

Today, my boyfriend was in the middle of fingering me. A few minutes after he had been rubbing my clitoris, I was about to finishing climaxing, he stopped and said “Hmm, your girl part feels like the scroll ball on my cell phone.” He was serious. FML

Today, I parked in a faculty/staff zone. There was nothing else available. It was 2 am and a Sunday; no faculty or staff are on campus at those hours. Plus there were 5 other spots available anyway. I was only gone a few minutes, surely no cop would be so audacious or absurd as to ticket me. Wrong. $50. FML

Today, I was sitting in a slightly obscured field next to a lake with my boyfriend. We started having sex, thinking the trees would give us some cover. But after a few minutes we heard cheering, so we stopped and looked towards the lake to see a group of about fifteen people watching us and egging us on. FML

Today, I helped a customer find a pair of jeans. I gave her the ones she wanted and she went to try them on in the fitting room. A few minutes later, a co-worker brought back the jeans she had tried on. I said, “S**t! The bitch didn’t take them!” She was standing right next to me. FML

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in I start to hear a noise and thinking it was the tram, decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like an evil giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn’t the tram, but it was some creepy middle aged man taking photos of me. FML

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn’t sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he’s in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He’s forgotten I even existed. FML

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate’s birthday. I decided to be sweet and write “Happy birthday” on her wall, only to notice it wasn’t there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I’m waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML