FML Today » few-minutes

Tequila says FML

admin — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 22:29:20 +0000

Today, my bike abruptly stop working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, “Lucky you didn’t get hurt!” FML

ieatcocksdaily says FML

admin — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 14:55:18 +0000

Today, my boyfriend was making out with me. He put his hand down my pants and started to finger me. After a few minutes he said, “You’re hard to get wet.” I guess he didn’t know his fingers were up my ass. FML

n77 says FML

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 05:39:01 +0000

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she’d come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn’t want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

uff says FML

admin — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 08:36:42 +0000

Today, I was listening to my iPod on the bus when a cute guy sat next to me. After a few minutes, I realized he looked sick. I took an earphone out and asked what was wrong. Then I farted. He said “You’ve been doing that ever since I got on the bus.” FML

jiyong says FML

admin — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 20:04:58 +0000

Today, I saw a guy offering free hugs. I felt sorry for him because everyone was giving him mean looks, so I hugged him. After few minutes, I realized he’d stolen my wallet. FML

Victoria says FML

admin — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 21:43:55 +0000

Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML

Blair says FML

admin — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 23:19:09 +0000

Today, after band practice was over, I called my dad to come pick me up. After a few minutes, one of the cute guys in my class asked if I needed a ride home. I declined, saying my dad was going to be here any minute. After everyone had left, it began to rain. My dad showed up an hour later. FML

chris harris says FML

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 22:26:16 +0000

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She happily said yes. After a few minutes of kissing, she said, “Wait, does this mean we have to live together?” FML

awkwardmoment says FML

admin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 07:36:19 +0000

Today, my boyfriend was in the middle of fingering me. A few minutes after he had been rubbing my clitoris, I was about to finishing climaxing, he stopped and said “Hmm, your girl part feels like the scroll ball on my cell phone.” He was serious. FML

kayakmac08 says FML

admin — Mon, 17 May 2010 10:46:15 +0000

Today, I parked in a faculty/staff zone. There was nothing else available. It was 2 am and a Sunday; no faculty or staff are on campus at those hours. Plus there were 5 other spots available anyway. I was only gone a few minutes, surely no cop would be so audacious or absurd as to ticket me. Wrong. $50. FML

Kels says FML

admin — Wed, 05 May 2010 09:05:26 +0000

Today, I was sitting in a slightly obscured field next to a lake with my boyfriend. We started having sex, thinking the trees would give us some cover. But after a few minutes we heard cheering, so we stopped and looked towards the lake to see a group of about fifteen people watching us and egging us on. FML

chrys913 says FML

admin — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:19:45 +0000

Today, I helped a customer find a pair of jeans. I gave her the ones she wanted and she went to try them on in the fitting room. A few minutes later, a co-worker brought back the jeans she had tried on. I said, “S**t! The bitch didn’t take them!” She was standing right next to me. FML

tramrider says FML

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:29:34 +0000

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in I start to hear a noise and thinking it was the tram, decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like an evil giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn’t the tram, but it was some creepy middle aged man taking photos of me. FML

choldcreations says FML

admin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 09:12:48 +0000

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn’t sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

sasquatch21 says FML

admin — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 08:36:32 +0000

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he’s in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He’s forgotten I even existed. FML

pandabear says FML

admin — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:52:06 +0000

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate’s birthday. I decided to be sweet and write “Happy birthday” on her wall, only to notice it wasn’t there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

katie says FML

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:03:30 +0000

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I’m waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

bjfail says FML

admin — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 10:56:42 +0000

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

busrides says FML

admin — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 04:35:39 +0000

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

LonelySanta says FML

admin — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:18:24 +0000

Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML