Posts Tagged ‘few-seconds’

Today, I was mugged while on my way to the book store. I’d saved up for months to make a mega-purchase of study materials for my major, only for it to be taken away in a few seconds by some lowlife thug. FML

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, some random hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

Today, I went on a bike ride with my daughter in an effort to lose some weight. While going uphill, one of my pedals snapped in half. Not a few seconds later, I made a full faceplant into asphalt. FML

Today, I made a post on Facebook saying, “I’m tired of people coming to me with their drama.” A few seconds later my friend called me and said his dad has cancer and doesn’t have long to live. He logged into Facebook and saw the post before I could delete it. He started crying and hung up. FML

Today, a co-worker and I stepped into the bathroom at work while on a short break. After making a few obnoxious noises and jokes I told about how much our job sucked and how boring it was. A few seconds later, we hear a toilet flush, and our supervisor walks out of a stall. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to ‘sound the horn’ and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML