Posts Tagged ‘fianc’

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to “come shut me up if you think you’re tough enough”. FML

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I’m a pancake. FML.

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn’t want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I’m marrying a child. FML

Today, my fiancée and I had a fight because he wouldn’t let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, “It’s way too many calories. I’m supposed to help you lose weight.” When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, “Yeah, I can tell.” FML

Today, my Dad married his fiancée who insists I call her Mom. I’m three years older than her and went to the same High School! She’s taking me shopping next week to buy me something “nice.” FML

Today, I woke up to moaning sounds coming from the spare bedroom. Apparently, the night before, I drunkenly told my fiancé he could have sex just once with anyone he liked before our wedding day. FML

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same “$1,500″ wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

Today, my mother organised a surprise wedding for me and my fiancé. We knew nothing about it. And it turns out our wedding song was ‘Barbie Girl’. FML

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she’s now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, “You’re blocking the TV.” FML

Today, I was right outside my apartment with my fiancé. He clearly didn’t know I was about to throw a surprise birthday party for him. As he was opening the door, he began to tell me about how things weren’t going to work, just before everyone yelled “Surprise.” FML

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I’ve had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I’m supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML

Today, I planned on introducing my fiancé to my parents. After the introductions, and telling him how I hoped our relationship would have the same amount of love and commitment that has lasted my mother and father for 25 years, my parents awkwardly announced their imminent divorce. FML