Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML
Today, I sent my parents back home. I had surgery 3 days ago, and they have been taking care of me. About an hour after they left, I smelled something awful. Apparently, my cat has been shitting on the floor because she can’t get in her litter-box. I can’t bend down to clean it up. FML
Today, my daughter decided to ‘paint’ her toy box with her poop. When I had cleaned it off with paper towels, I threw the whole mess in the trash can. My dog then got it out of the trash and spread it all over the floor. I had to clean up her poop again. FML
Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML
Today, it’s my best friend’s 17th birthday. I gave her a handmade book of memories since we were five that I’d been working on for ages. She threw it on the floor and said, “Haha good one! Now where’s my real present?” FML
Today, I was doing it with my boyfriend. it was getting pretty intense, all of a sudden he shouts “yes!” so I started going faster. he pushed me off of him and climbed on the floor, holding up a baseball cap and said ” I was looking for that!” FML
Today, I was air drumming, very enthusiastically. So enthusiastically, the vibrations along the floor caused a heavy bottle I had on my shelf to fall off and land on my full ashtray, which in turn went all over a basket of clean laundry. Now I have glass and ash all over my only clean clothes. FML
Today, I went to work at my job as a janitor. In one of the stalls, I saw a huge pile of crap on the floor right next to the toilet. There was a note next to it that said, “I could have easily hit the toilet. I just didn’t want to. Enjoy.” FML
Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML
Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML