Posts Tagged ‘floor’

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend’s and didn’t want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I’d sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I’d thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML

Today, I was walking under a low ceiling, when the “warning, low ceiling” sign fell on my head, sending me crashing to the floor. FML

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

Today, I was grabbed, had a bag shoved over my head and my wrists bound, all before being dragged away into darkness. Then I woke up with a start to find myself on the floor, in the middle of a history lecture, screaming bloody murder at my classmates. FML

Today, while vacuuming my car, I discovered a hole in the floor under one of the seats. Unable to figure out where it came from, I took it to a professional, who informed me that a family of rats has been making my car their home for the last several months. How lovely. FML

Today, I was taking my maths exam when my papers were knocked onto the floor. I quickly tried to pick them up, but I lost my seating and fell backwards in my chair. I was sent out and had my test confiscated for being a nuisance. FML

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won’t come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

Today, I saw some bubble wrap on the floor and I got really excited. When I went to pick it up, I realized that it was just plastic wrap. It was the worst part of my day. FML

Today, this guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML