Posts Tagged ‘foot’

Today, I repeatedly told my wife how much money we saved by installing a hardwood floor myself. My son came in the front door and decided to slide across the floor in his socks. He got a 6 inch gash in his foot from a trim nail I didn’t pick up. The ER visit cost more than we saved. FML

Today, while playing soccer with my friends, I cut my foot. In an attempt to help, my friend’s mother went to grab a cleaning wipe. She grabbed an alcohol sanitizer wipe instead, making the pain ten times worse. FML

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML

Today, I stepped on a screw. It went right through my shoe but missed my toes. I was bragging how lucky I was until I stepped on another screw that went into my foot. They cant just pull it out, they have to unscrew it from my foot. FML

Today, I found out that the foot scrubber I have been using for years is actually a tool to clean the inside of the toilet bowl. FML

Today, I dropped a box of nails in my room. I thought I had them all picked up but the hole in my foot proves me wrong. FML

Today, while driving, I found a huge wasp on my leg. I stopped at a light, and the wasp flew into my jacket. While frantically unzipping my jacket, I lifted my foot off the brake and hit the car in front of me. The wasp then stung me. FML

Today, the first step I took this morning resulted in a blood-gushing cut on my foot. FML

Today, I had a seizure after my softball game. Apparently my teammates thought I was faking. When I gained consciousness, my teammates were all cracking up. Come to find out from one of them, that one teammate thought that putting her foot in my mouth would make me regain consciousness. FML

Today, I got out of the shower and felt a crunch under my foot. I lifted the bathmat thinking it was a loose tile. It was a mouse. FML