Posts Tagged ‘foot’

Today, I broke my foot while waiting at the hospital for my friend. How? He ran over my foot with his wheelchair. FML

Today, my foot was run over by a speeding ambulance. When they put me inside, they told me to sit next to the guy who was already there. He had his foot crushed too, by the same ambulance truck as me. FML

Today, I got hurt and spent the remainder of the day limping. I wish I could say it was from something badass like roller derby, but I can’t. A woman with a rolling cart filled with packs of Pepsi rolled over my foot on the bus. FML

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

Today, I’d just gotten out of the shower when I felt something under my foot. I looked down to discover a dead rat my cat had left me as a present. It was still warm. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me “get over it”, he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, “Oh shoot girl!” and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

Today, a horse stepped on my foot. The same foot I broke three weeks ago. FML

Today, I repeatedly told my wife how much money we saved by installing a hardwood floor myself. My son came in the front door and decided to slide across the floor in his socks. He got a 6 inch gash in his foot from a trim nail I didn’t pick up. The ER visit cost more than we saved. FML

Today, while playing soccer with my friends, I cut my foot. In an attempt to help, my friend’s mother went to grab a cleaning wipe. She grabbed an alcohol sanitizer wipe instead, making the pain ten times worse. FML

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML

Today, I stepped on a screw. It went right through my shoe but missed my toes. I was bragging how lucky I was until I stepped on another screw that went into my foot. They cant just pull it out, they have to unscrew it from my foot. FML

Today, I found out that the foot scrubber I have been using for years is actually a tool to clean the inside of the toilet bowl. FML