Posts Tagged ‘friend’

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend’s spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

Today, my friend called to warn me that there was a tornado in the area. I immediately hung up and drove 15 minutes to a safe place. When I turned on the radio, I found out that the tornado was where I drove to. FML

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to but the wrist strap on so it wouldn’t fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

Today, I got guns pointed at me and almost attacked by a dog for aiming an airsoft gun at my friend. The neighbors thought it was real. FML

Today, my friend shot me point-blank in the palm of my hand. Apparently, my BB gun looks like a toy. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a soccer game and I was going to propose to her after six years together. So I asked my friend to get a kiss cam setup and let me propose to her on the camera. Well, when I proposed she said yes, but as soon as the camera went off she said she really meant no. FML

Today, my friend told me I’m not welcome in her house anymore. I’ve spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she’s pregnant and couldn’t herself. I just finished the job. FML

Today, I politely asked my friend if she would repay me the £20 she owes me. She shouted at me, called me an insensitive bitch, and refuses to pay me back as apparently she can’t afford to. Her holiday to Italy next week begs to differ. FML

Today, I went on a second date with this guy I really liked. It was going well until his friend popped in our date and began telling blonde jokes. My date joined in and told blonde jokes for the remainder of our date. I’m Jenny, his very blonde date. FML

Today, my dad borrowed my i-Pod without me knowing. Once I found out, I called my friend and I told her not to send me messages on MSN as notifications pop up with the message. She sent “Did you tell your parents about the baby?” FML