Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Today, my friends threw balloons filled with piss at me as a “late birthday present.” FML

Today, my father decided to join me and my friends in our new hot tub. He was wearing a red speedo. FML

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, “Daddy, let’s go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play.” FML

Today, I learned that there’s nothing quite like coming downstairs in a t-shirt and panties, only to discover your fiancé has a bunch of his friends over. FML

Today, my friends and I were bored so we decided to see who could blow up their stomachs the largest. After all my friends took their turn I lifted up my shirt and all my friends agreed I won. I didn’t have the guts to tell them I hadn’t blown up my stomach yet. FML

Today, I have to go to see the Macy’s July 4th Firework Special with my friends. There is going to be a heatwave in NYC today reaching up to 96F, plus an estimated 3 million people watching live, and Justin Bieber singing. I can’t tell what’s going to be worse, the heat or the Bieber. FML

Today, I went to IKEA with my friends and we played hide-and-seek. While I was stuck in a cupboard, my ‘friends’ chilled in the food court. FML

Today, it was my boyfriend’s birthday, and I thought I’d surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

Today, this guy I like invited me to his baseball game. I found out he only invited me because him and his friends wanted to throw eggs at me. FML

Today, I thought I would try and impress some really hot girls in the parking lot with my friends by flipping off an SUV. Their boyfriends were inside the SUV watching them walk into the store. They chased me for a good 10 minutes. FML