FML Today » friends

oh.geez says FML

admin — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 15:39:25 +0000

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat’s personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him “Coach Daddy”. I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

wetdreams says FML

admin — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 08:36:27 +0000

Today, was the 5th night I’ve dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about 3 times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I’m sleeping. FML

lrgenesis says FML

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:51:57 +0000

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it’d be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she’d be considered ‘cool’. FML

mattttbob says FML

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:51:52 +0000

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

brokeandsingle says FML

admin — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 15:41:19 +0000

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with – two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

footscratching says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:39:56 +0000

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first in in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn’t reach it. FML

Cheating says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:56:43 +0000

Today, I was looking through my boyfriend’s Facebook photos, when I saw a recent comment by one of his friends asking how his night out with “Danielle” went. He replied: “Dude, keep that shit on the down-low.” We’ve been dating for over a year. FML

pirsquared says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:56:37 +0000

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I’m working on my PhD in engineering. FML

Boo Boo says FML

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:24:55 +0000

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

antwo says FML

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:24:51 +0000

Today, a cute girl was walking towards me. She held up her hand for a high five, so I also did the same. I hadn’t noticed her friend behind me, and was left hanging and embarrassed. FML

cheese123 says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:03:04 +0000

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter “who has never been kissed.” FML

Cpt Colin says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:02:53 +0000

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

bellerz14 says FML

admin — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 08:38:00 +0000

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

FMLl says FML

admin — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 20:06:49 +0000

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don’t have any blue bra. FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 06:29:52 +0000

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 11:35:54 +0000

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

HBC says FML

admin — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 12:39:03 +0000

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and “show the dog who’s boss.” My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 01:17:05 +0000

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

djkimmaz says FML

admin — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 19:07:21 +0000

Today, my mom who is relatively new to facebook, posted on her friends wall telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that wall posts were private. Six of my friends ‘liked’ the post. FML

honor sucks says FML

admin — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 01:16:01 +0000

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom’s Facebook wall confessing my “love” for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I’m considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML