FML Today » friends

Notorch says FML

admin — Wed, 23 May 2012 18:05:18 +0000

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 02:19:16 +0000

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom’s lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn’t have a lazy eye, he’s never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he’s been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

kazmatazz says FML

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:36:16 +0000

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:05:08 +0000

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

Starving Student says FML

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 07:33:00 +0000

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

coffeeshopgirl says FML

admin — Tue, 08 May 2012 06:44:20 +0000

Today, I’m cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I’m currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

panther of the desert says FML

admin — Thu, 03 May 2012 00:57:28 +0000

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my “friends” had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

f*ck says FML

admin — Wed, 02 May 2012 22:37:43 +0000

Today, I had a date with the girl I’ve been interested in for months. I’m pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap when I greeted her with a friendly “S’up, slut?” FML

gumless says FML

admin — Wed, 02 May 2012 17:29:34 +0000

Today, I tried whitening my teeth with an off-brand product. It didn’t whiten my teeth, but it did burn parts of my gums off. FML

muddled says FML

admin — Wed, 02 May 2012 12:55:44 +0000

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

Flip says FML

admin — Wed, 02 May 2012 10:33:36 +0000

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

sockmonkey says FML

admin — Tue, 01 May 2012 08:29:35 +0000

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they’re so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it’s all over Facebook. FML

AndyAnonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:21:45 +0000

Today, I brought several bags of soda cans to the store to cash in. I hadn’t shaved, and my coat had fur all over from my cat rubbing on it. The lady in front of me turned around, looked at my bags and me and said, “It’s a lot of money people throw away, isn’t it?” Apparently, I look homeless. FML

Magicgwen says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:39:10 +0000

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can’t open the door. FML

Andrew7847 says FML

admin — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 11:04:05 +0000

beagle1 says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 17:06:45 +0000

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I’m designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other had instructed. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:24:14 +0000

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

Gabi says FML

admin — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 22:50:56 +0000

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 18:22:09 +0000

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:09:18 +0000

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML