Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I’ve been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML
Today, my boyfriend was in the middle of fingering me. A few minutes after he had been rubbing my clitoris, I was about to finishing climaxing, he stopped and said “Hmm, your girl part feels like the scroll ball on my cell phone.” He was serious. FML
Today, the girl who is obsessed with me had her prescriptions transferred to the Pharmacy that I work at. Not only is she stalking me, but now I know that she takes medication to control her psychotic episodes and random bouts of depression. FML
Today, I found out the girl I’ve been attracted to for months is actually a guy. FML
Today, I was finally asked out by the girl I love to the movies. I was so excited and got dressed in my best looking clothes. When I got to the movies, she told me “there’s my ex, now hold my hand to make him jealous.” She used me. FML
Today, I bought a cute dress for a party. Later at the party, everybody was complimenting me on my dress when the girl comes down with the exact one and demanded I switch because I was making her look bad. The party was at her house and she encouraged me to buy it. FML
Today, while getting it on with the girl I’m currently seeing, she raised her hands in the air and shouted, “Hallelujah!” When I asked her why she did that, she told me that I “finally got it right this time!” FML
Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn’t want to get me sick. I told her, “If hugging you gets me sick, then I’ll just have to deal with being sick.” She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven’t stopped puking since. FML
Today, I was enjoying some ice coffee in my favourite coffee-shop when a couple came in and sat at a table in front of mine. They started to kiss and make all sorts of gross noises. Just when I was about to tell them to go get a room, the girl started popping the guy’s zits. FML
Today, my husband loudly exclaimed how sexy this girl walking in front of us at Wal-Mart was. When she turned around, he said “Oh nevermind. I thought she was like 15″. He’s a high school history teacher. FML