FML Today » girl

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:51:19 +0000

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I’ll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I “probably shouldn’t bother,” because it was “a bit shit, really.” FML

BoringFucker says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:51:02 +0000

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they’re like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

Madzison says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:32:34 +0000

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:32:20 +0000

Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML.

hudd357mag says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:58:14 +0000

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, “What do you want? Did I text you?” FML

bluesox4 says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:58:06 +0000

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

Dooh says FML

admin — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:11:36 +0000

Today, I’ve found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have gone through the roof, making me constantly horny. My girlfriend lives on another continent. The reason I’m working out so hard? To impress her when I see her next. FML

anon. says FML

admin — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:11:31 +0000

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, “Penis!” until he gets his way. FML

littlelottie says FML

admin — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:56:21 +0000

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She’s 45. She’s not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

footbloodfountain says FML

admin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:24:25 +0000

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall was is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won’t be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

Mttt says FML

admin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:24:19 +0000

Today, I set my wifi’s name to “Hack this if you can”. When I checked it later, it was called “Challenge accepted”. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 16:03:39 +0000

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn’t until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

silvernights21 says FML

admin — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 08:05:51 +0000

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don’t have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:20:00 +0000

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

lifesucksbigtimefuys says FML

admin — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 20:10:55 +0000

Today, the girl I’ve had a crush on for years asked if I could be her “emergency gay friend”. Worst part? I said yes. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 20:10:48 +0000

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, “Children don’t have sex like this.” and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

Help says FML

admin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 13:01:21 +0000

Today, it’s the second week into my new neighbors’ routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

John john says FML

admin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 06:12:48 +0000

Today, my grandma was arrested for illegally downloading gospel music. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 06:12:34 +0000

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl’s dad pulled the old “Can I pay you in Trident Layers?” bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn’t going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill… FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 07:59:39 +0000

Today, I found out that I have anemia due to a low hemoglobin count. The doctors told me that they need a stool sample to make sure that I don’t have an ulcer. My mom thinks it’s hilarious, and enjoys telling all her friends at work that I have to poop in a jar. FML