FML Today » girl

CollegeKID says FML

admin — Wed, 23 May 2012 09:01:17 +0000

Today, I went to orientation for college. They gave us a name tag and I tried to figure out how to put it on for a few minutes. After struggling with it I realized it was a sticker. FML

angry girlfriend says FML

admin — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:08:16 +0000

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it he said he “didn’t think I needed to know and to mind my own business.” I think I’m about to be single. FML

whytoday says FML

admin — Mon, 21 May 2012 18:04:17 +0000

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

morethanredhands says FML

admin — Mon, 21 May 2012 11:13:35 +0000

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn’t stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:56:45 +0000

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

colts609380 says FML

admin — Fri, 18 May 2012 09:05:15 +0000

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, “You need to lower your standards.” FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 18 May 2012 09:05:12 +0000

Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn’t take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML

smh says FML

admin — Mon, 14 May 2012 07:33:26 +0000

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald’s, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sun, 13 May 2012 19:27:54 +0000

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn’t prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

aligator1009 says FML

admin — Wed, 09 May 2012 10:57:22 +0000

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his “stuff.” I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

Mouhahaa says FML

admin — Wed, 09 May 2012 08:33:55 +0000

Today, my wife made my hand bleed by stabbing it with a fork. I’d only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

exalia says FML

admin — Tue, 08 May 2012 02:05:30 +0000

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

markzar says FML

admin — Sat, 05 May 2012 15:17:33 +0000

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 04 May 2012 06:54:25 +0000

Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, “Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don’t you?” My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML

codyloveskitty says FML

admin — Thu, 03 May 2012 17:20:45 +0000

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, “Can I hang up now? The phone’s getting hot.” FML

EyeSeeYou says FML

admin — Wed, 02 May 2012 22:37:36 +0000

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend’s family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend’s seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

Demonwife says FML

admin — Tue, 01 May 2012 17:45:47 +0000

Today, I found out that the “book club” my wife has been going to for the past 3 years is actually a satanic cult. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 08:57:02 +0000

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 18:44:21 +0000

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

Anon says FML

admin — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 08:19:43 +0000

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn’t have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML