Today, my girlfriend and I were making love when I turn to find my brother standing at the door watching. Later I asked him how much he saw, he said “I saw from the part where you were both taking off your clothes to the part where she started screaming”. He had also told my mum. FML
Today, after making out with my girlfriend for the first time, I took down my pants only to have her say,’ Eww, what’re those drooping sacks? They look like tumours.’ She was serious. FML
Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML
Today, after 8 months of going steady with my girlfriend, she broke down into tears and sobbed about why I didn’t care enough to visit her once in a while. The last time I went to her house resulted in her mother throwing a rampage and throwing a vase at me, earning me stitches. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend of 2 years that I was sexually abused as a kid. She was only the third person I’ve told. She reacted by breaking up with me because I “might do something to her kids.” FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, “I just had the sexiest dream.” Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, “Well it wasn’t about YOU.” FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I proceeded to yell out, “I HATE YOU!” and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend on top of me, pulling my shirt off. Thinking she was a little frisky, I begin to reach for her shirt to reciprocate, when I notice she is holding a stick of my deodorant. Turns out I stink like crap enough that she decided to take matters into her own hands. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by showing up outside her window at night. She looked at me, mouthing to me through the window, “Do you like me?” I smiled and said back, “Yes! A lot!” Turns out she said, “Do you lie to me?” She won’t talk to me. FML
Today, I found out my penis is awkwardly shaped. I found this out during sex with my girlfriend. Which is now one of the most painful experiences ever. FML