FML Today » girlfriend

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 23 May 2012 11:16:21 +0000

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML

chchboy says FML

admin — Tue, 22 May 2012 10:14:59 +0000

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, “What just happened? Was that sex?” I wasn’t sure either. FML

slayerdeath says FML

admin — Sun, 20 May 2012 11:28:44 +0000

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

…… says FML

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 00:48:11 +0000

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, “Well, you’ll probably feel like you’ve been hit by a truck for a while.” Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, “Calm down, I’m just ribbing you.” FML

RingAroundThe..SPLAT says FML

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 11:12:24 +0000

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I’d been thinking about proposing. FML

quick blow says FML

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 08:57:07 +0000

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

humbug says FML

admin — Sun, 13 May 2012 19:27:58 +0000

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML

cockblocked says FML

admin — Fri, 11 May 2012 20:51:13 +0000

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a “headache.” FML

homealone says FML

admin — Thu, 03 May 2012 10:14:47 +0000

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, “just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won’t be alone in this big house.” FML

davincourt says FML

admin — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 01:55:05 +0000

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 01:55:14 +0000

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:47:18 +0000

Today, I met my girlfriend’s mom. She went on about how my girlfriend’s dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:46:58 +0000

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:08:09 +0000

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 07:20:55 +0000

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

jesifairy says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:16:04 +0000

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

Kayla says FML

admin — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:07:04 +0000

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend’s feet. FML

Lionman says FML

admin — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 12:52:15 +0000

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend’s father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he’d once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion’s barbed penis, he said, “It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion.” FML

DanteWest1000 says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 10:07:21 +0000

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, “It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon.” She instantly replied, “Not really, it’s like finding a needle in a haystack, you’ll be alright.” FML

Jeff make says FML

admin — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 19:26:21 +0000

Today, I called my girlfriend saying “I think we need to breakup.” She said “No I don’t think so” and hung up. FML