FML Today » girlfriend

Anonymous says FML

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:27:30 +0000

Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me – it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for three years. FML

Marc says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:51:14 +0000

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

BoringFucker says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:51:08 +0000

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they’re like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

Marc says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:51:08 +0000

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

BoringFucker says FML

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:51:02 +0000

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they’re like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

pmony says FML

admin — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 08:09:57 +0000

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 02:53:52 +0000

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are “bad omens” in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don’t know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

FuturePolice says FML

admin — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:47:48 +0000

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, “You’ll be really busy in the academy, and I can’t marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job.” And then called me selfish for “doing this to us.” FML

actor my ass says FML

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 03:38:53 +0000

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I’d pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some “movie” that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

addicted2v says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 16:16:57 +0000

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

Alejandroc says FML

admin — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 08:11:10 +0000

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

Username says FML

admin — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:37:52 +0000

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my ridiculous haircut. This ridiculous haircut is the same one she’s been urging me to get. Oh and she’s my barber. FML

Duplighost says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:08:55 +0000

Today, my girlfriend’s Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with “parental supervision”. Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:01:56 +0000

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, “sounds like somebody I know.” FML

Nate says FML

admin — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:01:22 +0000

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

Tom Ali says FML

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 23:55:39 +0000

Today, while driving to my girlfriend’s house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend’s dad trying to say hi. FML

YeahForFailing says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:41:56 +0000

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. While she was moaning, I whispered in her ear, “Do you like that?” She then stopped instantly and replied, “Nope. This is terrible.” FML

Cpt Colin says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:02:53 +0000

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

axel519 says FML

admin — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 06:03:32 +0000

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 00:26:42 +0000

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts random fights with me over text because apparently, when I’m arguing with someone, I stop speaking in “annoying shorthand” and am grammatically correct. FML