Posts Tagged ‘hair’

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn’t get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering it’s wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the “butterfly” stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn’t working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn’t turned it on. FML

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she’d gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her ‘scalp pickings’. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

Today, my friend finally decided on what colour to dye her hair: the colour of her congealed period blood. I can’t believe I’m friends with her. FML

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, “That’ll teach ya!” FML

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don’t know what’s sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn’t hurt myself. FML

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

Today, I took a shower. Once I was done, I went over to the cabinet that holds the towels. There was only one in there, so I grabbed it and immediately put it on my head. I screamed. It turns out there was a mouse in the towel. It latched onto my hair, and wouldn’t let go. FML

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn’t pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I’m now banned from that salon. FML