Posts Tagged ‘her-house’

Today, I got the haircut I’ve been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I’m scared to go. FML

Today, after 8 months of going steady with my girlfriend, she broke down into tears and sobbed about why I didn’t care enough to visit her once in a while. The last time I went to her house resulted in her mother throwing a rampage and throwing a vase at me, earning me stitches. FML

Today, my friend told me I’m not welcome in her house anymore. I’ve spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she’s pregnant and couldn’t herself. I just finished the job. FML

Today, my friend and I snuck out of her house to hang out with these three guys. After almost getting caught by her dad on the way out and waiting in the dirt for 30 minutes, the boys ended up taking us to their friends house to play UNO for 2 hours. FML

Today, I bought a cute dress for a party. Later at the party, everybody was complimenting me on my dress when the girl comes down with the exact one and demanded I switch because I was making her look bad. The party was at her house and she encouraged me to buy it. FML

Today, I learned that my mother carries pepper spray. How? I snuck into her house to leave her flowers for mother’s day, she thought I was a burgler. FML

Today, I felt like being spontaneous by surprising my girlfriend with flowers and a box of chocolates to say “I love you”. It turns out, I should’ve called ahead before I went over to her house; one of my friends was already there. They certainly weren’t playing video games. FML

Today, I received a phone call from my father asking how I spelled my name. Not only was he the parent who picked out my name, he was completely serious. FML

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a “gift”. For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML