Posts Tagged ‘honeymoon’

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn’t go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

Today, we returned from our honeymoon and went to see my parents. I noticed my dad had cut his hair really short so I said “Dad, what have you done to your hair?” He looked at my husband standing next to me, then looked me in the eye and said “What have you done to your life?” and walked away. FML

Today, I spent the first day of my honeymoon on the toilet with the runs because the caterer I hired for my wedding didn’t completely cook the fish that they served. FML

Today, I found out three days before my wedding that my fiancé’s parents are using the money they saved for our honeymoon to go on their own vacation. My parents paid for the whole wedding, which his parents insisted on being expensive so they could show off to their friends. FML

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave eachother’s side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor’s car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don’t think I’ll pass. FML

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We’re getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

Today, I went over to my best friend’s house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I’ve tutored him for a year. I’m seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I ‘taught’ him something weird. He won’t talk to me. FML

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML