FML Today » house

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:32:20 +0000

Today, my downstairs neighbor died. I knew because the smell wafted up to my apartment. FML.

hudd357mag says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:58:14 +0000

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, “What do you want? Did I text you?” FML

bluesox4 says FML

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:58:06 +0000

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

myself says FML

admin — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:53:30 +0000

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it’s the day my mother in law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

disturbedtosaytheleast says FML

admin — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:30:46 +0000

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

NeedaNosePlug says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:24:11 +0000

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54 year old mother about showering. She thinks it’s perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

mcds fan says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 11:46:30 +0000

Today, I stopped by the drive-thru for a quick meal. When the worker handed me my bag of food and I reached out to grab it, he dropped it on the ground before it even touched my fingers. He then quickly shut the window and turned away. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:12:31 +0000

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

shellski says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:12:27 +0000

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were “planning a bit of the old, you know…” and made an obscene gesture. Now I’m grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won’t believe that I’ve never even spoken to the kid before. FML

fuckthepopo says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:12:21 +0000

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

harshdoobie says FML

admin — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 19:45:50 +0000

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, “Don’t worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age”. I replied, “No you didn’t”, and his immediate response while laughing was, “No, I didn’t.” FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 05:48:06 +0000

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I’d left my keys back in the house. FML

anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:27:28 +0000

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I’d play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

shellie says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:27:22 +0000

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 09:12:07 +0000

Today, I was singing the National Anthem at a school game and totally forgot the words. So I kept singing the same two lines over and over. FML

liLbob6598 says FML

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 10:11:05 +0000

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I’ve been over the last three days. I’m scared to leave the house. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 20:35:53 +0000

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating ‘morning sickness’ all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 01:34:00 +0000

Today, my mother told me that she would be home at 11 tonight and that she wants me in bed before then. At 11:30, the house phone went off. I tripped over numerous things, hurrying to reach the phone. It was my mom, calling to make sure I was in bed. FML

Hubol says FML

admin — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:41:56 +0000

Today, I was masterbating when my mom walked in. So did my aunt, uncle and three cousins who were getting the tour of the house. FML

WTF says FML

admin — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:28:17 +0000

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV which I don’t even want, but my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML