FML Today » house

ordinaryday says FML

admin — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:08:25 +0000

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

VocalizedBoar says FML

admin — Mon, 21 May 2012 06:29:19 +0000

Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

foreverDark says FML

admin — Mon, 14 May 2012 16:59:19 +0000

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I’d knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

anamota89 says FML

admin — Fri, 11 May 2012 16:18:32 +0000

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn’t hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, “Did you fart?” I said “No, it was my dog.” I don’t have a dog, and he knows this. FML

klynn267 says FML

admin — Wed, 09 May 2012 17:51:37 +0000

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can’t get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 07 May 2012 11:28:05 +0000

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

yosenfal says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 09:09:06 +0000

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It’s her house, and I’m sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

yosenfal says FML

admin — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 04:14:24 +0000

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 19:06:42 +0000

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

Jaclk says FML

admin — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 08:14:28 +0000

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn’t have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I’m not a loser. FML

Mazie5 says FML

admin — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:31:57 +0000

Today, I found out that an autistic 15-year-old boy likes to play in the woods by my house. He also likes to take a long stick, swing it around, and yell, “Stab him!” He is now in my front yard. I’m scared to step foot out my own house. FML

ugh says FML

admin — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 11:46:56 +0000

Today, while driving home after the legal curfew, I narrowly avoided a police roadblock and backtracked a mile to drive home another way. I then ran out of gas a mile away from my house. FML

Fillifilo says FML

admin — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 11:30:03 +0000

Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML

lindsaykay says FML

admin — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:07:57 +0000

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

rejected says FML

admin — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:16:00 +0000

Today, my girlfriend saw the name “Melissa” on my phone’s contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

Brianna Weltmire says FML

admin — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 10:18:22 +0000

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It’s a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is “My baby’s biggest zit yet!” FML

Badchristian says FML

admin — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 12:52:23 +0000

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

Scarred says FML

admin — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 09:11:00 +0000

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it’s been in there for over 3 years. FML

spougeineye1 says FML

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 21:41:01 +0000

Today, I realized that due to my obsession with House MD, I seem to have subconsciously developed a limp in my right leg. FML

bdogge99 says FML

admin — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:57:16 +0000

Today, I was at the dentist. During my check-up, he recommended a dermatologist. FML