Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn’t invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML
Today, after 8 months of going steady with my girlfriend, she broke down into tears and sobbed about why I didn’t care enough to visit her once in a while. The last time I went to her house resulted in her mother throwing a rampage and throwing a vase at me, earning me stitches. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I’d give him head one last time before he left. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to “mark his territory.” When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, “last time, I just peed on you in the shower.” FML