FML Today » life

Ringman says FML

admin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:12:42 +0000

Today, as I was proposing to the love of my life in the park, a bird shat on the ring. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 23:58:53 +0000

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn’t even know existed. FML

Anonymous says FML

admin — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 23:45:13 +0000

Today, I experienced the most pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

MissPerspirent says FML

admin — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 07:19:59 +0000

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

guilty says FML

admin — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 04:36:05 +0000

Today, it’s almost a month to the day until my best friend gets married to the love of her life. This morning, I woke up naked next to the groom. FML

anti88 says FML

admin — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 08:25:51 +0000

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the “expensive” store. FML

Marty says FML

admin — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:54:41 +0000

Today, I’ve gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local pizza hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I’ve already received 16 calls. FML

metri says FML

admin — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:14:30 +0000

Today, my dad told me he doesn’t care if I die, as long as he can have the 100,000 dollars from my life insurance. My dad sees profit in my death. FML

Username says FML

admin — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 01:21:22 +0000

Today, I got the worst sunburn I’ve ever had in my life, and then discovered I’m allergic to aloe when I went to treat the burn with some gel. FML

wispywee says FML

admin — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 22:48:54 +0000

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I’m 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I’m dreaming of Pokémon. FML

Mrs.Slyfox says FML

admin — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 14:54:06 +0000

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he’d resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren’t for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

animallover says FML

admin — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 10:36:40 +0000

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

thatsasquee says FML

admin — Sat, 21 May 2011 11:31:27 +0000

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: “Hello, this is Joyce. I’m not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it’s Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch.” I’m Sophie. FML

Ahlph says FML

admin — Fri, 20 May 2011 11:03:27 +0000

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

kimftwxox says FML

admin — Tue, 03 May 2011 08:10:59 +0000

Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML

Artic says FML

admin — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:39:24 +0000

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

Danou says FML

admin — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 16:13:57 +0000

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my new FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, “I agree, your life sucks.” FML

Mr. Sensitive Nips says FML

admin — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 23:18:19 +0000

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick’s Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I’ve ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn’t go away. We were in public. FML

sweet2u22 says FML

admin — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 08:55:18 +0000

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

lisha182 says FML

admin — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 18:36:40 +0000

Today, I got demoted from my managers position, to only be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now
have to spend the next month teaching her my
job so they can fire me. FML