Today, I had to teach my mother what a period actually is. When I told her that it was the routine shedding of the uterine walls and not the liquid from “two cups inside of you that slowly fill up and then drain 28 days later”, she became teary-eyed and now she won’t talk to me. FML
Today, I used the large bottle of oil on the counter to cook fries. I was so hungry that even though they tasted funny I ate them all. My mom later asked me if I knew what happened to all the liquid lamp oil she just bought. Poison control says I’ll probably have severe diarrhea for several days. FML
Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it’s now 1pm in the afternoon. FML