Today, at a restaurant, I was joking around trying to make my friend laugh by pretending to be a ninja. I did this by putting my napkin in front of my face. I happened to look over at another table and saw that a lady wearing a burqa was giving me the most evil glare I have ever seen in my life. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to cut his pubes onto my very important work binder. I was not aware of this and when I gave the binder to my boss to look over some work I put together, all of the hair fell out onto my boss’s lap. FML
Today, I opened the back door to feed my dog. I felt something brush passed my foot. I look over and see a squirrel casually walk into my room. Animal Control doesn’t go inside homes because they don’t want to be responsible for damage. I have no idea how to get the squirrel out. FML
Today, I was sitting on my friend’s couch and began playing with a cool looking toy on the coffee table. I pushed a button and heard a loud ‘POP’ and a scream. I look over to see my friend, the couch, the wall and curtains covered in a red gel. I now know what a mace gun looks like. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on and everything was perfectly amazing, then I look over and see my dog humping a pillow on the floor. Major moment ruined. Stupid dog. FML
Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML
Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML