Posts Tagged ‘make-out’

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I’ve been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

Today, I had to share a bedroom with my grandma. In the night, I got thirsty. It was pitch black, but I could just make out the glass of water on the table. I started drinking it and then realised my grandma’s dentures were in it. FML

Today, I was at my boyfriend’s house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

Today, I was getting ready to go to the movies with friends. I was brushing when my dad walked into the bathroom and said I couldn’t go anymore. He thought I wanted fresh breath to make out with some guy. FML

Today, what started out as a really hot make out session, that would lead into passionate sex with my husband, turned into 30 minutes of me laying there while he plucked hairs from my bikini line. It was all his idea and he was having way too much fun. FML

Today my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: “Ever heard of deodorant?” Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML