Posts Tagged ‘middle’

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, “Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom.” I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

Today, my parents had guests over, and got pretty drunk. I went downstairs afterwards to clean the mess and found my dad naked in the middle of the kitchen, peeing in a cup. He tried to cover it up by quickly putting it in the sink, and blurting out “I’m doing nothing.” FML

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy, and the first morning I’m home, my entire region gets hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

Today, I woke up lying on top of my car, naked, in the rain, with about seven people laughing at me. According to my mum, I’ve started sleepwalking. She found me in the middle of the night, but left me out there because she thought it was funny. FML

Today, I slept over at my girlfriend’s house for the first time. I have a tendency to talk in my sleep. According to her, I sat bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night and loudly declared “THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED!”, laid down and went back to sleep. FML

Today, in the middle of math I was feeling a little tired so I reached for my hood and pulled it up past my face. Something rubbed against my face, and panicking, I ripped the hood off and saw my Mother’s leopard print panties fall on my desk. FML

Today, after getting drunk, I attended a concert with my friends. I don’t remember much of anything, but according to my friends, I fell down the bleachers and cut my head. I’m now sporting a rather large, lightning bolt gash down the middle of my forehead. I look like Harry Potter. FML

Today, I found out that being the middle child with straight A’s and two jobs won’t get your parents to help you pay for a summer course for college. However, being suspended from school twice and having detention every other week while being the youngest will get you into a $3,000 summer camp. FML

Today, I was at Walmart just looking around when all of a sudden a little boy jumped out of a clothing rack in attempt to scare me. He was successful in scaring me, but also caused me to pee my pants in the middle of the store. FML