Posts Tagged ‘middle’

ac-hoo says FML

Saturday, February 4th, 2012

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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calebeutsler says FML

Sunday, September 11th, 2011

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

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dancer_2014 says FML

Saturday, May 28th, 2011

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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Kaz says FML

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

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ummno says FML

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I’d only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

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nightDREAMERms says FML

Saturday, April 23rd, 2011

Today, I found out the hard way that I’m the “lucky” type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

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HotACE says FML

Friday, April 22nd, 2011

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn’t get any. FML

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Rating: 4.4/5 (16 votes cast)

fallen says FML

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

Today, I was riding my amazing horse and in the middle of our canter, he sneeze-farted which threw me to the ground ending up with a broken toe. My mother’s response? “You should have more balance.” FML

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fuckingdreams says FML

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

Today, I was grabbed, had a bag shoved over my head and my wrists bound, all before being dragged away into darkness. Then I woke up with a start to find myself on the floor, in the middle of a history lecture, screaming bloody murder at my classmates. FML

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jballer says FML

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet’s fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

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iAMloud says FML

Saturday, March 19th, 2011

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

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no name says FML

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I’d coughed up a cockroach. FML

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Jade says FML

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML.

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totallyscrewedomg says FML

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren’t up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

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andifalls says FML

Monday, January 24th, 2011

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I’m 16, still a virgin and haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

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